First I'd like to thank Hashem for helping me until this point. I am finding that posting these Divrei Torah and knowing that people are reading them, is helping me tremendously. If you do read them, I would appreciate comments and feedback - positive or negative (on my thread here). Thanks!!
This week's Parsha is a very important one for us at GYE. It is the Parsha of "Falling and getting back up again". Anybody here ever experience that?!
The Bnei Yisroel just left Mitzrayim. They saw Krias Yam Suf. They defeated Amalek. How could they possibly fall so far and so low as to worship the Egel? There are many explanations as to what exactly they were trying to do. But either way, it was a grievous sin. The purpose of this Dvar Torah is not to analyze how they fell. It is rather to analyze what happened after they fell.
Moshe goes up to shamayim to beg for mechila. Rabbi Reisman points out in this wonderful tape (if you haven't heard it yet, please do so ASAP. It's a life changer!!) that Moshe actually told Hashem that the Yidden were not at fault since they were an Oness. "You took them from slavery, gave them more gold and riches than they have ever seen in their lives, and then take away their leader? Of course they will sin!!" Now we can't say things like that. We are not on that level. But we do see that there is a concept of falling to a nisayon that we could not have passed!! Hashem said "Salachti Kidvarecha", which means that on some level He agreed to Moshe's claim.
If this is true in some cases, then why does Hashem test us in the first place?
One answer is, to see how we will react to the failure. Another possibility is, to teach us and prepare us for what lies ahead. They are both true.
In the case of our addiction, we don't really always have the Bechira to cut the cord with lust forever. That is beyond us now. Therefore, it stands to reason, that a fall that comes now, can sometimes be an Oness. So does that mean we are free to do as we wish? Of course not!!! Our Nisayon is to see if we commit ourselves to work through our struggles towards an eventual goal of complete sobriety. Yes - if we are doing all we can to achieve our ultimate goal, then the pitfalls on the way can be overlooked. But it is our responsibility to pick up the broken pieces of those pitfalls and live to fight another day.
And in conclusion, we find that when the Yidden did that, they were immediately given the instructions to build the mishkan so that "Veshachanti Besocham". When we commit to do it right and plow on towards our goal, Hashem doesn't just forgive us. He grabs us to Him and loves us like he did before.
May we be Zoche to earn and feel His love ALWAYS!!!