I picked up tonight and headed out to the Kosel, the last remnant of our Holy Temple, as I have been doing a lot lately. I took my younger brother with me. I walked up to the wall and touched the familiar stones which I have visited so often in my recent quest for G-d. The stones smiled a sad smile at me: "Back again? You've been around a lot lately. We don't mind though, we've been lonely for so long". My friends, do you know what loneliness is? The Kosel does.
I'm really not a crier, but I cried. I cried for myself. I cried for Klal Yisrael; for all the lost Neshamos. And I cried for the Kosel. "Ad Mosai? - until When?" How much more pain must there be Hashem!? Our people know pain all too well, so much so that it doesn't even faze us anymore. My brother walked up to me and looked questioningly at my face. I told him, "David, go daven that the Beis Hamikdash should be rebuilt", and I told him the following vort that I thought of this morning while learning the Sedra:
Rashi says on the word "Va'eschanan" that Moshe used a Lashon of Chanun because it implies a "matnas chinam - a free gift". Moshe said, "Hashem, I want to enter Eretz Yisrael, but don't let it detract from my reward; let it be free". And Rashi goes on to say that all Tzaddikim daven in this fashion, even though they have many merits.
My question was simple and unoriginal: "If Moshe wanted to enter the land so badly, why not throw in some of his reward on the deal? Why did he want davka a free present? Wouldn't he have been more likely to get it otherwise?"
I had an insight, chevra. It's not that these Tzaddikim ask for "freebies" even though they have a lot of merit. It's that they are tzaddikim because they ask for presents. Meaning: some people deal with Hashem on a business-like level: "Listen G-d, you know the deal. I daven 3 times a day, learn a shtickle, give some charity, etc... and you provide me with money and health. Deal?"
But Tzaddikim know that Hashem is their Father. He doesn't want deals. He just wants to give. He's the ultimate giver. Anyone who asks to be closer to Him, gets it. He is waiting to shower us with blessings. We have the key to His treasury, we only have to open it. As the Pasuk says: "God is close to all those who seek Him in Truth".
And my friends, this principle works the other way around as well. Don't ever say to yourselves: "why should Hashem help me? I haven't done anything good for Him lately". He is your Daddy. His greatest pleasure is to give you everything and see that you're happy. Don't be afraid to ask. Just cry your heart out to Him. He is right there beside you, even in the darkness of the night.