I was clean for over nine months through this website, through therapy, and by joining an SA group. Unfortunately, I had a fall a few days days ago and I decided to reconnect here on the forum with this holy community. You can imagine how depressed I was when I fell. But thank G-d, all the amazing insights that I learnt from this website and from all the meetings that I have been to, made it easier to get up as quick as possible. I did two things right after I fell. I contacted my sponsor and I told him the truth, to prevent the fall from snowballing.
Here are a few things that I have learnt on my journey in recovery that have helped me:
- Always live in the moment.
- Take one day at a time. Since we anyway have no control on what's going to happen tomorrow, there is no point in thinking past today.
- Know that we never have control over anything in life, we only have choices. It's the choices that make the difference in what happens in our life. So once we understand and accept this, we can perhaps have an easier time giving over our addiction to Hashem, since we know that we never had control over it to begin with.
- One must have a good filter before even thinking about getting serious recovery.
- It is vital to get a sponsor.
- Get someone to hold you accountable.
- Try to go to a live meeting, whether SA, SLAA, SAA; whichever works best for you.
- Participate on the GYE phone meetings at least once a week. It's always good to hear other frum Jew's perspectives.
- Work the steps, don't just read them. A good way to get started would be by getting a sponsor, like this he can guide you and help you be consistent on working them.
- If you have decided to tell your wife about your addiction, then never ever lie to her about it again. Because a marriage is truly based on honesty. Even if you are scared to tell your wife if you have fallen, you could might as well get it over with right away because you will very likely tell her in the future about it anyway - and then she'll be even more hurt. By telling her always the truth, your spouse can hold on to the knowledge that at least you are honest, and that can really help your marriage.
- Call other brothers from your program on a daily basis, even if you don't have a reason to call. I can't begin to tell you how vital this aspect is for our recovery. And the reason why it is so vital for our recovery, is because it gets us out of isolation when we need it most. It makes it easier for us to reach out for help and call someone if we are ever in a bubble. Even if you just feel triggered by anything, just pick up the phone and call a brother. We have to try to make the calling "a second nature" for us.
- Seeing a sex therapist is a big plus, they can help you realize what you have to work on in a quicker time frame, and they will help you start going to meetings and get a sponsor.
After my fall, my sponsor made me realize for the first time that we are not fighting this fight alone but rather we are all in this fight together, with all the brothers - and the sponsor from our program (and in our case, the holy Yidden on this forum). So in essence, not only is G-D fighting for us this battle, but all his shluchim are fighting for us as well. I don't know why, but this really made me feel as if a load of weight came off my back.
May all of us always have this approach.