After a big fall, "Ben Durdaya" joined our forum and posted his story... Here is an excerpt of some of the chizuk he gave himself:
A. I wil bl"n l try to stop focusing on the damage that I'm doing to my parnossah, learning, children's chances for hatzlachah etc. -all of that isn't really dependent on me at the end of the day, rather it's dependent on Rachmei Hashem -which has no limit. Instead, I will try to start focusing on the damage I'm causing to my relationship with Hashem.
B. I will bl"n try to stop worrying that my p'nimiyus doesn't live up to other's expectations of me based on their view of my chitzoniyus, and start trying to build a p'nimiyus based on Hashem's expectations from me.
C. I will bl"n try not to dwell on the past and worry less about the future. I will try to live this minute as well as I can.
A few days later and still clean, Ben Durdaya posted:
I've been feeling a little lust lately, so here is what I reminded myself:
A. By Krias Shema, I remembered that this is what we mean when we say 'Bechol Levovicha' - with your Yetzer Tov and your Yetzer Hara. RBS"O You're the one who gave me this YH, You're the one who can teach me and help me to channel my lust to the place where you intended it to be - i.e. cheishek for Torah and Avodas HaShem. 'BeChol Nafshicha - even if he takes your life' - even if giving your lust over to G-d has the taste of absolute death.
B. I realized that I must be starting to feel some gaavah over the fact that I've been clean for a few days now - and it really feels great to be clean even though it's only been a few days. So I reminded myself how little self-control I have shown in these areas in the past - even in the very recent past -and that my life has become unmanageable on my own. Therefore I acknowledge my limitations and turn to HaShem and place myself, my addiction, and all of my problems in Hashem's hands -because if I stop trying to play His role and control my life - I allow Him to enter my life and give Him a place in my heart. And only in this way do I allow Him to help me, and ONLY He can help me - and He CAN help me.
C. If Chas VeShalom I should feel even the slightest turn for the worse in my thought patterns, I will not hesitate to spill my guts HERE on the forum. Because this is a place where I feel comfortable among people who seem to care about people like me.