Staying happy, upbeat and positive is one of the biggest keys to success in this struggle. Chanukah is over, there's war in Israel, the cold winter lies before us and there have been falls and slips here and there. The Yetzer Hara wants more than anything to drag us down into depression. For an injection of SIMCHA, I just uploaded a Leibidik niggun collection (6.30 minutes) from "Shirei Ho'Admorim" by Piamenta.
Click here to put it on and start to dance!
No matter what, we can always start again from TODAY. We need to be PROUD of our past accomplishments. We need to be HAPPY that we are doing the work of the King of Kings and are ZOCHE to struggle in this, where most other people in our situation just don't care. We are from Hashem's elite soldiers! And every second we hold back is priceless.
Let's rejoice that Hashem has chosen us for his front line battle against the Yetzer Hara. If he chose us, it means he TRUSTS us. He knows that in spite of the falls, we will emerge victorious. He waits and waits for us to do Teshuvah, sometimes for many years. But in the end it is all worth it, for in the process of breaking free we learn how to give our hearts to Hashem and grow so much!
Did you ever stop and think of the implications of us, mere mortals, having the honor of serving the Master of the entire Universe? The universe has about 100 million galaxies, and each galaxy has in it about 100 million stars! And each star is as big - or bigger - than our Sun (which itself could fit a million Earths into it)! And that's just the physical universe. Need I even mention the millions of spiritual words, Malachim, Serafim and Chayos Hakodesh?!! And this Almighty G-d - who created ALL THIS, has but one desire. He is looking into the hearts of his beloved people, and seeking someone, anyone, who is willing to do something for him with pure motives, hard work, and a little messiras nefesh. And he has chosen YOU for this!
Rejoice!! Simcha is the Key!
Keep in mind that when Hashem invested in you, He knew what he was doing. He knows exactly who to choose for the very sensitive and dangerous mission, of penetrating the enemy's territory. If he chose you, then you can definitely succeed. And remember, it's a tremendous honor to have been chosen by Hashem for this mission. R' Tvi Meir always says: Chazal tell us, that the malachim said to Hashem "Don't give the Torah to lowly people, "T'na Hodcha al Hashamayim -- The Torah should be for the malachim". So Hashem answered "Do you have a yetser haroh? If not, the Torah is not for you, but rather for the people that have a y"h. So we see that our entire claim to the greatest gift of all - the holy Torah, is based on the fact that we have a y'h. And so whoever has a bigger y'h, has a greater claim and a greater right to the holy Torah!!!
REJOICE! we are the ones that will bring Moshiach!
Simcha and a positive attitude are the key to success. Rabeinu Yona says in Yesod Hateshuva, "On that day [that you make up your mind to do teshuva] throw away your past and consider yourself like a baby that was just born"
Take some time to think about how chashuv you obviously are in the Eyes of the Master Of The Universe, if he chose you for this mission. And then put on some good music and DANCE!!! Transform yourself from a worrier in to a warrior!!! (the spelling is very close, it's like the little difference between the letters of the words "chametz" and "matzah").
The main advice I have for you is: "Simchah". You mentioned that you are full of anxiety, and this is one of the major causes of this taivah. In fact I saw it written, that the first thing the yetzer does with us is to fill our minds with worries and anxieties, and then when we feel sad, etc, this is what allows the klipot of arios to cling to us and over take our minds. I believe that your first step is to conquer your anxieties, and try to be b'simchah as much as possible, and remove every and any anxiety causing thought that enters your mind.
The Baal Shomer Emunim said, that we have a mitzvah of "Ivdu Es Hashem B'Simchah". Then the yetzer comes in to our minds and says, "what do you have to be happy about, just look around you, look at all of the sickness, poverty, suffering in the worlds etc....But, we must know that this is the yetzer telling us this. He goes on to explain. "Who is it that taught us "Ivdu Es Hashem B'Simchah"?.... None other than Rav Shimon Bar Yochai in the Zohar. And he says, "If anyone had reason to be down and sad, he did, since he lived right after the time of the Churban Beis Hamikdash, and yet, it was HIM that taught this to us!