Day 52, no masturbation... but the house is in a total state of chaos. My child is behaving badly, my wife is in a crisis unable to cope, husband (me) trying to intervene, wife undermining me at all times and then (of course) screaming at me and hating me just because I try to restore order. There is no love in this house. I wish there were. There are no agreed rules, no FOUNDATION, nothing. I refuse to give it up though, my Rav advised me to work at it and understand that all this chaos from my wife stems from my lack of respect for my wife and Hashem. So now that I've unloaded, I hope you are all having a great week. THANK YOU for listening. Sorry again for whining.
Painful post. Sounds like you might be getting close to hitting bottom. That sounds bad, but in reality, is usually the blessed moment when we can start working to turn things around.
I wish I had some wisdom that could help you change your wife, but I don't. What I can say is, that despite what it may seem at times, you CAN change your attitudes. Then... GOD can come in and change YOU.
Most of us will initially reject that WE need to be changed, but in the end, that is the only thing we can really do to have an effect on in the equation. It sounds like you have tried mightily to put your efforts into your wife, child and probably many more things, and it doesn't sound like it's worked out so well thus far.
In my experience, the only thing that works, is to change me. And I have only been able to effect change in me through the fellowship and program of SA.
One other tool that has helped me in my marriage, is the book that many have recommended here, "The Garden of Peace".
"But how do people out there on this forum accept WITH JOY things that make them so angry and mad? Is there anyone out there (who's normal) who's actually achieved this?"
I have been able to begin to do this by working the steps of the 12-Step program and by joining the fellowship which teaches me honesty, humility and how to accept GOD's will for me.
If I would understand clearly that by being married to the wicked witch of the west I am doing the direct command and will of the CREATOR OF THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE, I would be ecstatic. Not because of the pain caused by being married to the witch, but by having the amazing opportunity to have such an important and honorable role.
Who has greater pride in their position the senior manager of a porn theater, or the cleaning lady in the white house (Ok, not during the Clinton administration, where there may be some overlap)? The cleaning lady, because she has a really impressive employer. Never mind that it is not so chasuv to empty garbage cans.
And yes, normal people can do this. And even more important, is that people who arenot normal - i.e. addicts (I'm raising my hand) - can do this too!!
It is possible.