The Library

We have a member on our forum who calls himself "Momo". When he first read through the GYE handbooks (here), they did not seem to have a lasting effect on him. We managed to convince him however, that the handbooks can't work unless we read them slowly and try to IMPLEMENT the ideas inside them. So Momo took the initiative and began to work through the Handbooks together with all of us on the forum, tool by tool, principle by principle. His thread quickly became so inspiring that we began a whole new board on the forum for him and for others to follow his wonderful example. Today, Momo is quickly becoming one of the most "promising" students of the GuardYourEyes community, and he is already offering great Chizuk to others on the forum as well!

We strongly encourage everyone to follow Momo's lead and begin journals on this new board! There is truly no better way to beat this addiction than to go through the handbooks slowly and systematically, and carefully examine each tool that we have - or have not yet - tried. And by methodically writing down our thoughts, comments and questions on the forum, not only are we forced to clarify what we are reading, but we also will get tons of chizuk and feedback - and inspire so many others as well!

After "Momo" spent a few days working through the GYE handbooks, he posted the following inspiring post:

I'd like to share my list of 10 tenets for fighting my lust addiction. If I can only live by the following rules - and I believe they are attainable, then I think I would have "arrived".

I purposely begin each "tenet" below with the word "today" since this battle must be fought one day at a time.

Note: I think each person has to read through the GYE handbooks themselves and make their own list of tenets. Maybe some of these ideas will be helpful for some of you reading this. But it's mainly a reminder for me of what I need to do each day to get better. So here goes:

I will, bli neder, read and perform the following, daily:

Tenet #1: Fill my day with chizuk
Today I'll read through the GYE handbook when taking breaks at work, instead of surfing around. I'll read and respond to other people's posts and to my own posts on the forum, and get chizuk from them.

Tenet #2: Remind myself of my addiction
I am addicted to lust and it takes over my life if I don't try to control it, and I know that I can't control it all by myself.

Tenet #3: Strengthen my belief in Hashem
I believe in Hashem who will help me with my battle. I also have a circle of friends here on this forum who are helping me.

Tenet #4: Make Hashem's will my will

• In matters of lust I pray: Hashem, while I will try today not to give in to any of my desires that are against your will, you Hashem, are the only one who can truly relieve my addiction. Please take it away from me!

• In matters of anger and control: I believe that Hashem controls the world and the outcome of every situation. Therefore, I will try today not to get angry when something happens against my will. I have a natural tendency to want to control my life, my environment, and other people's lives. I need to learn to accept myself and others. I will try to learn to stop fighting, and let You Hashem, run the world the way You see fit.

Tenet #5: Remind myself why I must remove lust from myself
I have to stop lustful emotions as soon as they start, by reminding myself of the difference between "Pleasure" and "Happiness", and that I WANT to let go of the lust because of the following:

• "Pleasure" is fleeting and false fulfillment. It cuts me off from the world and doesn't let me feel the tremendous kindness of Hashem. It doesn't let me bind to the goodness in the world, and it makes me lose appreciation for my wife and children. The more I indulge, the more I am unable to find inner peace, and I remain closed up within a shell of "myself".

• "Happiness" is real and ever-lasting fulfillment. It reconnects me to the world, lets me feel the tremendous kindness of Hashem and helps me see the goodness in the world. This helps me gain appreciation for my wife and children, and to find inner peace.

Tenet #6: Break up the day, be happy
Today I'll be happy. I'll break the day into 3 segments: morning (when I wake up until lunch), afternoon (lunch until I get home), and night (when I get home until I wake up). For every hour, and especially after every segment I stay clean, I will be happy about it!

Tenet #7: Guard my eyes
Today I'll guard my eyes in the office and on the street. I will use my filters to guard my eyes on the internet. When I feel weak, I'll try to read from the GYE handbook instead of trying to bypass my filters.

Tenet #8: Make fences

• Today I will not touch myself.

• Today I won't act out when I "feel like it". I'll wait 10 minutes, sitting or walking around if need be, and by then the lust will have passed.

Tenet #9: Daven better
Today I will direct my energy and spiritual vigor into my prayers. Today I'll focus on davening with more kavana.

Tenet #10: Love, not lust
Today I will work on understanding and living with the awareness of the difference between "true love" and "animalistic lust".

Momo writes to someone who had a fall:

We're human, not angels, so it's OK that we fell. If we learn from our mistakes and use them to raise us up to an even higher level than before the fall, then our fall turns into a merit (thus Chazal say that our sins turn into merits after teshuva me'ahava).

And always repeat to yourself this great truth that "Hoping" recently posted on the forum:

"A fall while on the journey is worth more than a clean day while you aren't trying."