Hi, my name is "Tried123" and I am really messed up...
I met with a therapist at age 14 but he couldn't help me...
I met with another therapist at age 15; he couldn't either help me...
I then met with another therapist who couldn't help me...
I was advised to go for medication, but I tried about a dozen different ones with nearly no results...
After about 4-5 yrs and 10-12 therapists, I finally met a therapist who was able to help me...
I met with this therapist for a few years now, with no drastic results....
But over these long few years, I slowly transformed into a different person...
I am still far from up-to-par, but I know that I can take one meaningless tiny step after another meaningless tiny step, and yet another one - and another - and another...
A long, long, long string of meaningless tiny steps can add up into something quiet meaningful...
What the heck... life is often miserable... I am not aiming for the stars, I am merely trying to see where there is a possibility for a small, tiny, winy, winy step in the right direction.... It won't solve anything, but that's what G-d wants... (And from years and years of doing this, I know that when I look back, there is no single point where things changed, but things do change...)
When R' Akiva saw a stone with a hole caused by continuous drips of water, he was inspired to continue working, despite his lack of any success...
What did he see in the stone?
He realized that after a drip dropped, nothing changed....
And another drip dropped and nothing changed.....
etc, etc, etc...
But when this goes on for long enough, something as hard as a rock gets penetrated....
Why...?
Because with each drop something did change, only it was nothing grand, nothing big, it was unnoticeable...
But change it did.
I find that when I set small, small goals and appreciate tiny improvements... it gives me hope...
All those efforts and all those failures... and you still feel like you are right were you started...
But that is a mistake. You have changed, you simply have to continue what you were doing for it to become noticeable one day...
You are in the process of penetrating the impenetrable.... But one tiny step at a time...
You are trying...
Continue to just try...