What a person needs when struggling with desires or temptations that are self destructive physically and spiritually, is primarily STRENGTH and DETERMINATION. Ultimately, the aim is to live your own life in accordance to HASHEM'S RATZON (will).
Strength is best defined as persistence in overcoming obstacles and avoiding to meet the enemy on the same path. We all have personal challenges and problems, but how to respond is the key to the success. The main purpose of life is freewill - CHOICE (bachira). A person needs to understand the root of each behavior and action, i.e. the cause of the desire, and the desire itself. This is best understood through internalization, by way of meditation and prayer.Determination follows from the above.
In the repentance (Teshuva) process there are three main stages: CONFESSION, FORSAKING SIN, and REGRET.
Once a person forsakes the sin and resists the temptation that is clearly evil and self harmful, only then can the determination to abandon such harmful misdeeds really kick-in.
Of course, the temptation is extremely strong and to be able to resist wrongdoing is painful at first, especially once it has become a habit. It is important to know though, that the strength of the desire to sin is more powerful at first due to the fact that the root of the sin has not yet been corrected, i.e. through complete repentance.
However, prior to any chance of the possibility of overcoming temptation, a person needs to make a firm DECISION and take measures or make barriers not to cross the RED LINE. Simply consider the CONSEQUENCES in both the short and long term. These may include loss of self esteem and destroyed confidence, which ultimately negatively affects personal relationships, employment, life-opportunities, etc... and can go as far as leading to broken marriages, G-d forbid.
All of the above should be applied on a momentary basis. That is, for some people such a decision or act of strength (gevurah) may be once a week, every day or even on an hourly basis.
It is vital that if a person slips up, G-d forbid, that he retain a positive attitude and perceive it not as failure or weakness but as a step forward.
In such circumstance, such a person must make every endeavor to immerse in a ritual bath (mikveh) at the earliest opportunity. It is taught that a person should ideally stay under the waters (when immersed) for at least a few seconds and to concentrate (kavanah) on Teshuva as part of the repentance process.
Understand further that when a person has immersed in the waters (of the mikveh) in addition to a purification, it is also a change in status from impure to pure.
This is an opportunity for such a person to follow by praying with the depths of one's heart and to call out - ideally with tears, as part of the repentance (teshuva) process.
Such a person is truly on the way to making progress and building a foundation of strength and determination, which will ultimately bring them closer to Hashem.
Please understand that this typically does take time to 'learn oneself'. The objective, in summary, is to understand the root of the misdeed in order to find inner power and strength to take responsibility - via a strong decision - and to better one's life by being much closer to G-d, Hakadosh Barach Hu, who has blessed His holy sons and daughters with an ongoing opportunity for TESHUVA.
RECOMMENDED READING: The Gates of Repentance (Rabbeinu Yonah of Gerona), Waters of Eden (Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan), The Garden of Emunah (Rav Shalom Arush/Rabbi Lazer Brody).
RECITE 10 CHAPTERS OF TEHILLIM (CONCENTRATE!): 16, 32, 41 ,42, 59, 77 ,90, 105, 137 ,150)
I sincerely pray that you find INSPIRATION (chizuk) and BLESSING (baracha) in your yearning for strength and determination to become close to Hakadosh Barach Hu.