During these Three Weeks, in addition to mourning the destruction of the physical Yerushalayim, we must turn our focus inward and dig deep with ourselves, to mourn our own destruction. Who could we have become if we hadn't let sin take root? What happened to that innocent little child that once peered back at us in the mirror? What has happened to our spirit, our focus, our connection to the Creator?
It is no secret that we live in a decedent world where the moral standards of global society have reached incredible lows. Just as a wrestler desperately gathers all his strength and exhausts every battle maneuver he knows right before he goes down for good, the yetzer hara is fighting his last stand. In our generation, at the doorstep of Moshiach, the forces of impurity are using every means at their disposal to knock us down. The night is darkest just before the dawn. We thus find ourselves constantly assaulted by mighty temptations which send ripples through the very fabric of our existence.
And there is nobody who is spared. Everybody is dealing with these issues, from the OTD teen on the street to the community Rabbi in his office and every Jew in between. Everybody knows for himself what he has gone through in his battles up until this point. His wins, his losses, the shattered Luchos of his own being and his futile attempts at putting the broken pieces back together. But looking forward, we must ask ourselves, as we mourn the destruction of our inner Yerushalayim: "How can I prevent this from happening again? How can I begin to rebuild my inner Yerushalayim without taking one step forward only to fall, yet again, two steps back?"
It is important to understand that the whole process starts with the forgetfulness of the Heart Knowledge we hold within. The biggest weapon in the yetzer hara's arsenal is the "Spirit of Folly" he is able to inflict upon us. As Chazal state, "A person does not succumb to sin until a spirit of folly has entered him." (Sotah 3a) At the moment a person is in the clutches of temptation, all the Torah he has learned upon which his Yiddishkeit is based, all the Halacha, Gemara, Hashkafa, Mussar, Chassdus, etc. is consigned to Head Knowledge alone which cannot stand up against the heart-pangs of the yetzer hara. It is this "Spirit of Folly", the spirit of forgetfulness, which brings us to sin. (Obviously, as we have mentioned above, the sin itself causes further forgetfulness of the heart, sparking a vicious cycle. Thus Chazal have taught "Aveirah gorreres aveirah".)
Thus, the main weapon we have to counter the yetzer hara's attacks is to battle to retain our Heart-Knowledge even as he ravages our spirit with that of Folly and forgetfulness. If, at the time of sin, we can not only 'know in our head' ("v'yada'ata hayom"), but 'draw that knowledge into our hearts' as well, ("v'hashivosa el l'vavecha"), we can be saved from the bite of the snake. [The rashei teivos of the words "V'hashivosa E'l L'vavecha" spells "Lav", "a negative commandment". This hints that the concept expressed in these words is the counter attack, which can prevent us from slipping and transgressing the Torah's negative commandments.]
This being so, I have decided, with Hashem's help, to draw up a concise list of some concepts and advice I have seen in various sources which can be helpful in retaining the Heart Knowledge which the yetzer hara so valiantly fights to rid us of. Though some of these ideas may seem simple (d'varim yadu'im), keep in mind that at the moment of temptation, when a person is caught in the powerful feelings cast upon him by the yetzer hara, these "d'varim yadu'im" become the least known bits of information in the entire world.
I believe that we, as Jews who are seeking to accomplish the tremendous mission with which our loving Father in heaven so implicitly trusts us, can benefit greatly by carrying this list at all times. When we find ourselves overcome with the temptations of the yetzer hara, let us take out the list and read it slowly, aloud, and try to do one of the "eitzos". With the help of Hashem, Who stands by our side through the thick and thin, "He who dwells among you amid your impurity," this will be of tremendous assistance in helping us rebuild the broken Yerushalayim we carry within, speedily, and in our days. Amen v'Amen.
[Note: The main yetzer hara of this generation is the temptation of arayos, sexual impurity, in all its various forms. (Sichos Haran 116, Tzidkas Hatzaddik 109). Thus, most, if not all, of the concepts included in this list are intended to be used specifically when one finds himself in a temptation of this sort. It goes without saying that this list applies, predominately, to men. In exchange for the term "motzi zerah l'vatelah" or "transgressing", I have opted for the term "acting out."]
1. Concepts to remember:
A] Acting out will not satisfy us. Though in the heat of the moment, it appears that acting out will provide a release, which will satisfy us, both physically and emotionally, it is false on both accounts. Physically, there is a profound sense of emptiness even within the short-lived pleasure, and we will want more soon after we act out. Emotionally, we will feel a numbness overcoming our mind. We will grow tired and irritable. The guilt immediately wears down on us and brings a deep sadness with it. Try to picture how you felt the last time when, after your marvelous dance with the Devil, he slunk away into the shadows and left you broken into a million pieces.
Rebbe Nachman of Breslov compares the yetzer hara to a person who runs through the crowded marketplace waving his clenched fist high in the air. "Who can guess what I have in my hand?" he yells as he runs. People begin to grow curious, and they chase after him. As they run, their imaginations run wildly within, and they each begin to imagine that this man is holding that which he most desires. They more time goes on, the more the townspeople convince themselves that this man is literally holding the key to their happiness. Finally, the man stops abruptly. Everyone waits with bated breath, eager for the treasure to be revealed. Holding his hand high, he opens his fingers, revealing that he was holding - absolutely nothing at all (Sichos HaRan 6).
This is the yetzer hara. He leads us to believe that he can provide us with happiness and true fulfillment but it is just a ruse. We lead ourselves to believe that acting out will provide a sense of true wellbeing and joy but when we do, and the yetzer hara 'opens his hand', we find that there was never anything in there at all.
B] How will I feel if I pass this test? This thought is an outgrowth of the previous one. Allow your mind to not only picture how you would feel after acting out, but how you will feel after passing the test and removing yourself from temptation. You will be able to walk in the street with the confidence of a true oveid Hashem, knowing that you have accomplished something incredible. You will be able to face your family and friends without feeling like a faker. A genuine sense of joy and fulfillment will spread throughout your being, the real version of the knock-off pleasure that comes with acting out.
C] My actions have enormous ramifications upon all of creation. The Nefesh HaChaim teaches that every action a Jew performs has a tremendous effect on all of creation (See Nefesh Hachaim, 1:3). Acting out in this manner destroys many spiritual worlds and prevents Hashem's goodness from resting upon one's life in particular and all of creation in general.
D] I am at the door of the next level in avodas Hashem. After so many years of struggling to attain levels of holiness, a person finally arrives at the door, which will take his avodas Hashem to the next level. Here he may find it easier to have kavanah in tefillah. Here he might receive the siyata d'shmaya to truly understand and remember the Torah he is learning. Here he may come to love every Jew, etc. But the yetzer hara is not going to let him enter without a battle. Just before he turn the doorknob and enter a world of brilliant light, the yetzer hara pours out his wrath upon this Jew, using all the means at his disposal to knock him off the staircase, all the way down to the bottom again. (Likutei Moharan Tinyana 48) By acting out, we might be forfeiting this incredible attainment we have worked so hard to achieve all these years. It might take us so very long to get back to the place we are standing. Let the temptation not be a reason for discouragement, but on the contrary, an indicator that we are about to truly succeed at long last!
E] The pleasure of acting out is my Gehinnom. This is a bit of a scary one. The physical pleasure of acting out can be intense. Waves of pleasure run through the body, touching each cell from head to toe. The Nefesh HaChaim teaches that this very pleasure we experience is the Gehinnom in which our soul must one day be cleansed (Nefesh HaChaim 1:11). What appears to be a spirit of pleasure and carefree ecstasy is in fact everything painful, dark, torturous and scary in disguise, hovering over us while we indulge in sin. The moment we finish acting out, this spirit of pleasure sheds its garment and embarks to its place in the fires of hell. Acting out doesn't merely earn us a red x for which we must go through the pain of Gehinnom to be cleansed. It is the Gehinnom itself.
F] Passing this test will serve to rectify a past slip-up. R' Yaakov Meir Shechter writes in a few places that every time a person overcomes a temptation, one of his previous sins is erased. (See Kuntres Nisyonos Hazman, page 7) He once said, "The yetzer hara wants to ruin our future with our past. We must do the opposite! We must fix our past with our future!"
G] Is this worth it? Even if one is, at the time of temptation, unable to remind himself of how he will feel when it is all over and that the yetzer hara's treats are illusory, he can still question whether it is worth what he stands to lose by acting out. Rebbe Nachman of Breslov writes "For a little pleasure of fifteen minutes, a man is willing to give up his entire life in both this world and the next" (Likutei Moharan Tinyana 108). The "Spirit of Folly," which the yetzer hara inflicts, brings us to foolishly choose to throw away everything real, meaningful, purposeful etc. for something so incredibly fleeting. A diamond dealer, if he has even the slightest sense in his head, will not trade away a 280 carat diamond for a polished rock, no matter how shiny it may be. It is simply not worth it.
2. Actions to take:
A] Identify the yetzer hara's presence. The Ba'al HaTanya teaches that when caught in the snare of temptation, one should verbally insult the yetzer hara that is attacking him. He should say, "You are evil, wicked, revolting, disgusting, and appalling. You are trying to prevent my eyes from seeing that nothing truly exists beside for Hashem" (Likutei Amarim, chapter 29). This accomplishes a few things. First, it is a distraction, an interruption of the growing passion. Second, it prevents your identity from merging with that of the yetzer hara. You are not him, and he is not you. You do not truly want to act out - it is only his voice that is speaking within you, trying to convince you and entice you into falling for his trap. Thirdly, it reminds you of the yetzer hara's evil intentions, helping unmask the feelings of pleasure to glimpse the spirit of Gehinnom hovering within (see above, letter E).
B] Think about the desire in a pragmatic way. The desire for physical pleasure is one of emotional passion. Logic plays little role in this particular human drive. Thus, once cool logic is entered into the equation, we find that our passions are more controllable. The Piacezner Rebbe gives an analogy for how this might be done. He says that if a person thinks about a childhood friend who he loves, the trait of Ahavah becomes revealed within him. He thinks to himself, "Oh, how I love this friend so dearly. Perhaps I will buy him a gift to express my friendship." He then begins to think about what gift he will buy for his beloved friend, all the while stoking the fire of his love. However, if he begins think about their relationship in a practical way, he will find it difficult to grow passionate. Thinking thoughts such as "Do I really love this friend? If so, why? What exactly do I like about him? " etc., will weaken his emotional passion. It is the same thing with desires. If we think not around them, but within them, they will become less appealing and much of the passion will cease (See Hachsharas HaAvreichim, chapter 9).
C] Hold onto an item of holiness. Many people have told me that this works for them. When you find yourself unable to hold off the yetzer hara's seductions, hold onto a davar shebik'dusha such as tzitzis, tefillin, or a sefer - preferably a sefer with which you are connected. It will be difficult for one to douse himself in impurity when he is lovingly hugging a pair of tefillin (see Tziddkas Hatzaddik 55 regarding tzitzis).
D] Go daven or do Hisbodedus: Many times, we feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. If we act out, we are miserable. But if we don't, we are also miserable! As much as we work to fend it off, this human need continues to roil within, affecting our mood, our ability to focus, and our ultimate happiness! Is there is a way to channel this passion in a way that is not damaging?
Rebbe Nachman or Breslov says that indeed there is. He suggests that one should go and either daven (if he has that opportunity) or perform Hisbodedus and talk straight to Hashem, in his own words. In doing so, he is able to release all the pent up passion and fire into his tefillah, expressing his emotions in a spiritually healthy manner (See Likutei Moharan Tinyana, 49).
Other ways of releasing this passion are: giving tzeddakah, (See Likutei Moharan 264 and Tzidkas Hatzaddik 125); teaching people Torah; and giving them good advice (See Likutei Moharan 7:3).
E] Say Krias Shema. Simple as it sounds- but with emotion and passion (Likutei Moharan 36:3).
Always remember – No matter what happens, there is no despair in the world! One must be a tremendous "akshan" in avodas Hashem, never allowing himself despair. Get right back up and continue the fight!
Hatzlacha Rabbah!! Chazak V’Ematz!!