I "stumbled" onto this site a few days ago. I'm 3 days clean. Something seems more serious after finding this site. There's no high from being clean yet at this time. Actually, I'm feeling scared. Not scared of Hashem, "scared" like for my life. With this stuff I always struggled alone. Please let me know somebody's out there.
You should know that there is probably not one chiddush that you can tell your new friends here at GYE.
What you may have done, what you were thinking of doing, what you want to do, all of your fears and uncertainties. We know them all.
You need to realize that you are not really being overpowered by an array of surprise lust-attacks from the outside, from the inside, from the left side, nor the right side. To make it as simple as possible, you are experiencing only one condition. It is called Lust addiction, with a capital "L". And the #1 cause of this condition is your tests, and trials, your unhappiness with your lot in life, which leads to... "L".
There is so much for you to learn here on GYE. The first thing is to allow yourself the freedom to "open up" and not to hide anything.
First and foremost, please do yourself the biggest favor. Avoid all fears and worries. These are the number #1 killers, which only lead to more lust seeking. Even though you may feel "afraid" that.... if "I am not afraid, I won't be on guard,", or, "If I don't immerse myself into worry, I may do something irresponsible...." All these kind of thoughts are rubbish; it is the mental talk of the big Yetzer Hara. He knows that this will only keep you where you are. He wants you to continue to eat yourself up alive.
Please remember, Hashem is here with you, He really is. And He wants you to grow. Ease up a bit and trust in Hashem... these are the first steps.