I've been seeing a very good therapist and learning more about myself. It seems that my problem is not necessarily about an addiction to porn itself, but rather, it's many things on the side that bring it out.
Certain situations that I put myself into really seem to trigger my problem. For example, if I had a day full of negative thoughts and thought distortions and then I'll find myself sitting by a computer in a library or some place private with a lot of work to do, I'll get overwhelmed by the work and I'll feel really tempted by the fact that the porn and the "escape" is so accessible... Eventually, whether after an hour or even just a couple of minutes, I'll slip up. It's almost inevitable, being that I'm in a bad mood, in a private place, with a computer in front of me and wanting an escape.
So there are a few things that I need to fix. I need to stop the negative thought cycle with CBT, so that it doesn't escalate. My therapist suggested keeping a thought diary so that I can pick up all the negative, subconscious thoughts and learn to combat them with CBT.
I also need to make sure not to put myself into vulnerable situations; like keeping away from the library computers at all costs, making sure I have no access to the internet when I'm by myself, etc...
And lastly, I need to find something else that is a way for me to "escape" and take my mind off negative thoughts, but that doesn't impact me in a negative way like p*rn or mast*n does (such as exercise).
My therapist helped me set up a chart for my "thought diary" so I can start to combat the distorted thoughts. I feel that if I fix these things, it will fix the problem from the root. It doesn't work for me to just say, "Ok, I'm gonna be clean, and that's it". There are reasons behind the way I act.
Here are the columns of my "Thought Diary Chart":
-Trigger-
-Thoughts-
-Feelings and emotions-
-Behavior -
-Alternative thoughts-
-Feelings and emotions -
-What could I do differently this time or next time?-
I've read a lot on CBT in books written by David Burns. Look also for books by Martin Seligman and Aaron Beck. His 2 books "Feeling Good" and "When Panic attacks" are tremendous.
It pays for everyone to remember the thought 'distortions' and do those writing exercises.
There is also a book called EMETT written by Miriam Adahan that discusses this as well. A lot of her books are based on CBT.
CBT helps a lot. There's no hocus-pocus magic there. It's a lot of basic common sense and logic. And if you keep at it, a lot of the extremes of negative emotions are stabilized to a great degree, and the mind and heart become much clearer.