I have failed! I have fallen. After 32 days I lost it. I knew I was losing it and I couldn't stop myself. It started with Facebook and I spent the whole day on the computer surfing. I even went home for supper and came back and thought I would control myself, but I didn't. I don't even want to look in the mirror I am so embarrassed. I just want to cry. After all that hard work, I have thrown it all away.
Is there hope??
Of-Course there's hope!! You know when hope is lost? After 120. As long as you still have a breath in your lungs, you can turn your entire life around to Hashem. Every one of the great warriors on this forum has been exactly where you have been and have fallen countless times. The difference between a successful person and a failure is not that the successful person doesn't fall and the failure does. They BOTH fall again and again. But the successful person is the one who gets up again each time and resolves to do better next time and learn from his mistakes!
Think about it, if you were watching a great fight between a man and a Lion, would you be more impressed if the man had a sword and he slew the lion in one fell blow, or rather if the man used only his bare hands and there was a huge fight, and sometimes the man was down and the lion was at his throat and yet he managed to push off the lion again and again and finally he overpowers the lion and wins the fight?! Hashem gave us a beast inside us to slay. He could have made us mighty as the Malachim, but he wants us to earn true reward and bring down his Shchinah to dwell in the lowest places. And this can only be done by human beings, who fight with their bare hands in the darkness of this world. The fact that you fell now after doing so well means you are in the game for real, and Hashem is looking down at you with love and the Malachim are roaring and cheering to see how fast you'll get back up, because that's the name of the game!
Dear not-so-Poshut-Yid and all of us in the holy GuardUrEyes community on this Chizuk list and Forum; The first step in joining our community is to get the concept of "giving up" out of your lexicon. There is no such thing. These three sayings of Rebbe Nachman are our motto:
1) If you believe you can destroy, believe you can fix.
2) There is no such thing as Yiush in the world.
3) As long as the candle is lit, one can still fix.
So Poshut yid, where do we go from here? It's Poshut! A fall doesn't just happen. There were various things that led to it (in your case, it was Face-book this time). We need to make a careful accounting of where we went wrong and how we can prevent this from reoccurring. In this way, we take the fall and uplift it to Hashem. We use the falls themselves to get STRONGER!
Small Example: I know someone who was doing very well for a long time, but one day he came across a movie that he happened to open, unaware that it was not Kosher. But since he had already started watching it, he couldn't control himself and pull himself away, and before he knew it he had fallen. So what did he do? He made a vow for a year never to open any movie video file on any computer unless his wife checked it first and told him that it was Ok for him to see. In this way, he made a strong barrier for the future to assure that this wouldn't happen again. He had learned from his fall that once he had already opened the video file, he was too weak to pull away. But with the new fence in place, he wouldn't have to face the Yetzer Hara head on in the same way again.
Every fall has a reason, and for every reason there are barriers that one can make to be sure he doesn't have to fight the Yetzer Hara head-on again next time. To all of us here, if you know that certain things keep bringing you to fall, sit down and think what you can do to assure yourself that you don't have to face these same desires head-on again in the future. And if you can't think of a sure enough way on your own, post your dilemma on the forum and together we'll all help you think of ways.