For the first time in many years, I just took some time to learn this afternoon in the Sukkah and just enjoy this mitzvah. I was able to identify with my feelings for the first time in many years.
Es chatai ani mazkir hayom... I remember last year Sukkos. It followed a marathon of acting out throughout Elul, the Aseres Yemei Teshuva, and the days in between Yom Kippur and Sukkos. I actually recall taking my phone into the Sukkah with me and watching videos of ....
This year Sukkos comes after the best Elul of my life, the best Aseres yemei teshuva, a brief fall which I immediately pulled myself (with everyone's help on the forum) back on track, and great days since. WOW WOW WOW. I owe my life to GYE and all my friends here. This year, I will - with His help - continue to act correctly and not act out on my addiction, and truly dance with joy on Simchas Torah, feeling proud of the direction my life is moving in, as opposed to the usual despondent feelings of hopelessness and guilt.