Joining this forum is like someone finally pointing a pen-light into the dark reaches of your soul saying - "Whoop, there it is; and that's what it's been all along". And suddenly it's clear as day... You realize what could've been, and the Y"H tries to rope you back in with the Atzvus. But since you've found such a great bunch of guys - and you feel like one of the crowd from day 1 (if you are sincere), you take their advice, follow their example.... and do not look back. You join the chorus which screams: "Y"H I hate your guts... You've ruined my best years, and I'm not going to even try to deal with you anymore on my own. Like Ronald Reagan said, you just don't negotiate with terrorists. And that's just what he is. He wants you to be terrified of your past, worried about the future, and tense in the present. And that's what I learned from my friends here; how not to fall into that trap, just Let go and let G-d. Anyone can do a better job of managing my life than I have, G-d certainly can... and I've been taught that He will, if I let him.