Day 90 of being clean and sober. Thank you G-d, thank you G-d, thank you G-d.
How do you even come close to understanding this momentous - yet still so small of an accomplishment - at the same time? My gratitude is immense, and I will forever remember these 90 days probably more then any other 90 days of my life. Because it is where I found "living". I feel like a four year old that just got to open up his biggest birthday present. The only difference is, that instead of getting a toy or a video game, I received something better: life. Life was in a huge box with a big bow. My attitude has always been to stay positive. I have laughed, I have cried, I have been forthcoming with my deepest and most honest feelings.
A few things that I want to make sure I mention, because if I don't - as a human - I will kick myself: Be true to yourself and honest to yourself in your recovery process. Think of everyday as day 1. Yes, I have counted, but I feel like the count really doesn't matter. It's how you live that counts. Live the change you want to make.
Don't forget your past. Remembering who I was, is certainly a great reminder to continue on this journey. I was an angry little man (a small admission that really needs to be said on this day). I am still far from where I need to be, but I am not where I was. One day at a time, with courage and determination. On a long trip, you can find yourself.
I look at where I need to go, and I know I am so far away. G-d, give me the power to be "powerless" the rest of my life. This voyage is for the rest of my life. I will continue to lean on pillars of the strength of G-d and my wife. I look to them for guidance in good and bad. If you look at the addiction like an allergy, it helps.
The one word I would use to describe the last 90 days is, "work". You have to work on yourself to get somewhere. That's right, work on yourself. Introspection of oneself is the best and most positive thing you can do. You can find out what makes you 'tick' as a person. It's introspection that made me understand you can't get far internally without thinking with a calm, cool, and collected head.
A positive attitude is a must. Without it, I know I would not have made it this long. I have tried to figure out how to write an outline of what worked for me. But instead of formally writing it, I am going to make bullet points.
Lastly, I want to thank all those who have responded or wrote something to me on my threads on the forum. Thank you, for you have all given me something, both as individuals and as a team.
Oy vey, G-d get me through this without so many tears. My wonderful beautiful wife. You and you alone were the one to put me on this path. Words can do this no justice. I hope you feel I have worked hard and really understand that I am not here without you. This could have been our end, and instead we turned it into a positive. Honestly not easy, but we have. I know that our road is still bumpy. You are everything to me. With every ounce of my being, I thank you.
I am eternally grateful to be where I am, on a good and moral journey. Thank you G-d, thank you my excellent wife, and thank you GYE.
No slips or falls, non needed or wanted.
I WILL WIN THE BATTLES AND THE WAR- WITH G-D'S HELP!!