I arrived at day 90 on the second day of Sukkos and I would like to now share some sentiments about what this organization has meant to me upon reaching my initial goal. I also want to get my sights clear on the next goal and join a group to help support this ambition.
I started this pursuit upon learning that I would have an opportunity to visit the kever of the Baal Shem Tov in Mezibuz this past August, so my user name is a tribute to the Bescht's inspiration.
I am one of the quiet members here. I have read the daily GYE emails, looked at postings on the forum when I needed extra chizuk, and did my best to keep my nose to the grindstone. Although I reached 90 days, I am no tzaddik to be sure. My mind has often times wandered to impure thoughts, and I've caught the occasional glimpse of a non-tznius woman while out in the marketplace, but I have stayed the course in remaining free of p**n, which is a huge step forward for me (I previously gave up m****n about 10 years ago).
I have been fighting this beast for 35 years and it has truly been the bane of my spiritual existence. I have tried every method I could think of to stop and have had some successes along the way, but it was always a solitary pursuit and in the end, whether it lasted 1 week, 1 months or a year, I always managed to return to my old ways.
What you have all shared with me here on the forum these past 90 days has in no small way changed my world. To recognize that this is an addiction and to feel the support of so many of you who share this struggle, has given me tremendous chizuk.
I would also like to thank Reb Guard, of course, for the amazing work you have done in creating this site. I read a book many years ago that deeply resonated with me -- "The Spirituality of Imperfection" by Kurtz. The author speaks of AA as the greatest social movement of the 20th century, and his book is chock full of great insights about sobriety and the profundity of the connections made between people based on their shared weaknesses. Funny thing was, as much as I read and re-read this book over the past 13 years, I never once thought to put myself in the category of the drunk. Upon reaching your site this past June, it became evident to me in a matter of minutes that, of-course, I have an addiction! And this revelation, more than anything else I have learned over the past few decades, started opening the door to true recovery.
I cannot tell you how grateful I am for the work you are doing. I have donated as generously as I could during your recent appeal and look forward to supporting you further in the future. I just wish that every high school kid with a problem could know that you are out there before they suffer years or decades alone in their battle.
I wish you much continued blessing in all your efforts.