I'm not that new to this site, but I finally have the courage to commit myself to this project. I am single and have been trying to overcome this for many years. I just started going to SA meetings and have a sponsor and it's been a big help. I was a bit apprehensive at first but once I got used to it, It feels so good after each meeting. I want to join the wall of honor. I've been clean for 6 days and I'm going strong. I haven't been clean for this long in at least a few months. I try not to go online so often, so this will only be updated every few days. There are so many people here making such great strides and I would like to add to the momentum.
My sponsor has just put a filter on my computer, and I'm adding another SA meeting to my schedule. I haven't felt this great in so long. Yes, there are still many times in my day that I feel the need to act out. But I notice that I only feel that need when I'm nervous and fidgety. So I tell myself that I just have to wait for the anxious feeling to subside and I won't feel that urge. And it works! So now I just have to work on knowing when those feelings come and how they go away. And hopefully through that, I will understand what's triggering my need to act out.
Thank you for your encouragement and for giving me this forum to clarify my thoughts and feelings.