Wow! I really thought I might never get out of my bad habits. For the first time in at least 11 years, I feel like with Hashem's continued help I can really be in control of what I do, look at, and think about. The feeling of freedom is intoxicating.
The Mishnah says 'Ain Lecho Ben Chorin Elo Mi Sheosek Batorah.' Many people struggle to understand this statement. The Torah is full of laws and instructions; what we can and cannot do, what we should and should not do. Freedom is often assumed to be the ability to do whatever one wishes.
We must first have a reality check. Who are we? We are a Chelek Elokai Mima'al. Our Neshama has been put in our guf for a very specific task. We must remember that we, our neshamos are transcendent. We have the ability to grow beyond ourselves.
When a polar bear is hungry, he eats. He will destroy anything that gets in his way. He cannot say no. He has no control. Control is determined by the ability to say "no." When a person is in this world and does not connect himself to Torah (our strongest link to Hashem) he does what he wants. That might seem enjoyable on the surface, however, he has no control of himself. He gets what he wants, and all he wants is enjoyment. To eat, drink, and be merry. To live "life." But what kind of life is that. We were created to become so much more, so much greater than a polar bear. We have a Neshama, a sechel. Learning Torah gives a person a chance to decide what he really wants to become. It gives the tools to be free to do what you really want to do. Emes Yoreh Darco The truth shows itself. The more you learn Torah, Daven, try to serve Hashem in all the things that you do, the freeer you will feel. You are now free to choose. Uvacharta Bachayim!
Thank you so much to the admin. of GYE. This program gives me the framework that I need to stay clean. The sefer Vehaeir Eineinu has been the most helpful tool for me, combined with the 90-day chart and the sponsor who I knew was keeping track of my progress. May Hashem continue to help GYE help Klal Yisrael and may we see the revelation of Hashem's Prescence speedily in our days, Amen.