Hello Everyone. I have been away on holiday and now I'm back!! And I have missed writing but have managed to read some of the recent Chizuk emails which I am grateful for.
My initial goal had been to reach 30 days, and now that I have managed the full month, the aim is to push for 40 days - which is achievable, b'ezrat Hashem.
Guys, it has been such a crazy past week I do not even know where to start (apart from having a great vacation, LOL). Please read the following as an initial post following some of the tests which have come my way over the past few days:
It was no coincidence that the apartment I was staying in was located in close proximity to certain types of clubs; there were people trying to hand out leaflets to invite me in! Although B"H my immediate response was to refuse (there was no desire even, as it is so morally low and we strive for dignity and truth), this has me thinking of the similarities to similar content on the internet. This was an objective approach to our situation, and once again strengthened my resolve and determination to be clean forever more. Boruch Hashem, the friends who were with me have strength and discipline in shemirat einayim and this was great chizuk for me as well.
Whilst this occurred several times, it did not end there. One morning I entered an area alone (without my friends), and I was presented with a point blank opportunity to sin! But without even having a thought or hesitation, I believe Hashem saved me as the word "No" almost surprised me. I said "bye" and walked straight out.
Again, there was no 'desire for lust', but my point here is not about my strengths etc. - but rather to point out that we are all capable of 'walking away' from a dangerous situation even without a fight!!
The challenges that I had to fight afterwards on these occasions, was not to have inappropriate thoughts or fantasies about 'what could have happened'. Hashem protected and saved me, and I am eternally grateful.
I am pleased that I have experienced personal growth and resolve, as even on the occasions when I would look at a women for a few seconds, my thoughts would return to Hashem, to Teshuvah and to my determination to break free and be clean.