The Library

I want to share with you something I experienced today. I have been trying to quit porn and masturbation for a while, having ups and downs with it. One of the reasons it’s been so hard for me is because, thank G-d, my wife and people around me do not know. I have been doing it for so many years that I felt I would never be caught. This morning, however, I received an email that changed my perception. The email claimed to have exposed my signing-up to and viewing of pornographic websites, and that they made a recording of what I had viewed and had my webcam turned on to record me, and threatened to send this to all of my email and social media contacts unless I sent them $1,900. Although I don't actually have a webcam on my computer, my heart froze.

There were other reasons to not believe this was fake, but the possibility of it being real was frightening. By G-d's grace, I happened to have opened this email a few minutes before a scheduled call with Duvid Chaim, so I took the opportunity to forward him the email and discuss it during our call. We concluded that this was a message sent from G-d out of love for me, letting me know that what I'm doing is not only dangerous from a spiritual standpoint but physically harmful as well. After talking this through with Duvid Chaim, the tears began to flow and the message began to sink in.

Thankfully, after some research, the email turned out to be spam and not a threat, but the message I got from G-d was crystal clear. I pray that I can internalize this message daily that G-d loves me and is looking out for me, and it’s time to stop looking at porn for good and being more active in recovery. I hope this message can inspire others to remember that our behavior leaves footprints in all sorts of ways, and if we live our lives staying true to who we really are, we will never have to worry about a catastrophic embarrassment or shame.