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Uri's Win

Wednesday, 08 February 2012
Part 3/3 (to see other parts of the article, click on the pages at the bottom)

Yankel made for the woods.
He went to his regular secluded spot and burst out in tears.
"Hashem! What am I to do?! I have nothing! I have given it all to you! If only I had some money, I would host a thousand guests every shabbos! Please Hashem, help me so that my children won't die of hunger."
And he cried.
And cried.
Finally, dried out of tears, he slowly trekked home.

On the way, he bumped into Velvel, the town drunk. Velvel said to him:
"Yankel, I have been looking all over for you. Yankel, I want to tell you something. I feel my days are numbered. I will die soon and I have no one to pass my money on to. My children show me no respect. They curse me and mock me. You are the only one who ever treats me respectfully. Therefore, I will share this secret with you. Though people don't know it, I am a very rich man. I have a treasure hidden in this forest and I want you to have it when I die."

Any doubt that Yankel had vanished when Velvel took him to his hiding spot, which revealed a massive amount of gold hidden under a tree.

The next day there was a big commotion in town.
Velvel the drunkard had passed away during the night.
Yankel was now a very rich man.
As he had promised, he had many guests every Shabbos.

When he went to visit the Baal Shem Tov, the Rebbe explained:
This life is a cycle. I saw in Shamayim that there was great wealth waiting for you. But you were always happy with your lot and you didn't have the vessel for it; you had to hit rock-bottom first. So I had to be mean to you and empty you out to get you to cry out to Hashem, as you did.
And only then you would be zoche to receive all the bracha as you did.

Why do I bring this story?
There comes a time in a person's life when he feels completely beaten down.
He is empty.
He has nothing.
He has hit rock-bottom.
Some people get this once in their lifetime.
Some people get this more than once.
But either way, it is a blessing.
Every person I know that has recovered from addiction, has done so after hitting rock-bottom.
They're life became unbearable.
One person told me how they went to their rebbe's house and fell at his feet crying for an hour.
Another person told me that his wife was about to divorce him.

And a cry comes from the depths.
"Hashem, before You is all my yearning, my sighs are not hidden from You!"

We realize we are helpless.
And we reach out to Hashem.
We place ourselves in His hands.
Our feeling of bottomness brings out the deepest from our neshamos.
Our deepest yearnings.
Our deepest desires.

Hashem sometimes needs to knock us down so that we can soar up.
I don't know if I'm expressing myself well here, but the times that I felt closest to Hashem were not when I was doing well.
It was right after a fall.
When I had just cried out everything I had.
When my eyes hurt from crying so much.
When I yelled "ENOUGH!!!!"

When I realized I was nothing.

And that was when I became something.

I am who I am, because of my falls.
Every time I fall, I'm actually getting closer to my eventual goal.
I'm not just talking about acting out.
I'm talking about being down to the utmost.
Somehow, these always bring me higher.

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