The Library

Putting some action behind my words, I pulled out a deck of index cards and began jotting some notes for myself. You see, a few days earlier I had watched a movie (and I don't condone movies here) which had really struck home. In this very realistic movie portraying an inside peek at the life of a sex addict, I watched how his addiction was destroying his marriage. There he was, acting out, unable to stop himself even at the verge of divorce.

Somewhere in the movie, his father, feeling that there was a lot of tension in his son's marriage, attempts to help him. His father hands him a book with 90 pages - an exercise a day, and tells him that if he applies himself to the what is written in the book, he will see a most rewarding marriage. For the remaining part of the movie I watched the progressive change take place. On the first day, he brought his wife a bouquet of flowers (which she immediately tossed in the trash), followed a card, a cooked meal, and a clean house. Eventually, and after many tests, the man reaches the last and final pages of the book where he is asked to remove anything from his house which blocks him in his relationship with his wife. He decides to take the computer (which his wife despises) out of his house, and smash it into bits. His wife, seeing his commitment to her over the last 90 days and finally with this, can't hold herself back from loving him again.

For me, this wasn't just a movie. It was a strong lesson in the only way I'd understand. When I finished writing my letter to the Rebbe, I decided that I'd have to take the same kind of steps, doing selfless actions for those around me. That movie really made an impression on me!

This is when I pulled out these index cards and began listing out all sorts of selfless actions or approaches that I could adopt. In the cards that I'd incorporate into my life (one or two cards a day) I wrote the following:

• Don't be sarcastic.
• Compliment the cook.
• Surprise the family with a supper, and pickup food from a local restaurant.
• In the event that you may need to do so, put your reputation on the side and do the right thing.
• Compliment someone you normally wouldn't.
• Write a card and make someone feel loved.
• If asked to do something (big or small) for somebody, do it, and don't make excuses.
• Be empathetic to someone. Show them that you care.
• Avoid arguments.
• Visit a Hospital.
• Take the positive approach when discussing a difficult subject with another.
• Make yourself of service, offering your skills.
• Expect nothing in return for what you've done for someone.
• If an opportunity arises and you are asked to do something, do it right away.
• Make a person feel good when he thanks you, and respond with "you're welcome!".
• Understand that accepting is very important to the one giving, so make it a point to accept a compliment or a kind gesture. It will make them feel good!
• Accept a "hard word" directed towards you, with love!
• Admit when you are wrong.
• Remind yourself of the gratitude you owe towards others.
• Greet everyone with a smile and some nice words.
• Before going to sleep, say "good night" to those who are still up.
• Be honest.
• Call a sibling on the phone and make the conversation all about them.
• Express interest in other peoples work and investment, and allow them to take pride.
• While shopping, have someone else in mind, and purchase for them something you think they might like.
• Cook supper.
• Give tzedaka at the first opportunity, not counting out bills before you give.
• Offer help if you see a situation which might require it.
• Don't be abrasive.
• Cheer someone up.
• Don't interject while people are speaking. Wait till they are entirely finished with what they have to say before saying your piece.
• Don't mix into other people's quarrels.
• Clean up - even if it isn't your mess.
• Phone up a relative and make it their conversation.
• Apologize if applicable.
• Buy a baby toy for one of your nieces or nephews.
• Randomly buy someone a gift out of appreciation.
• Call someone you haven't spoken to in a while.
• Call a friend and ask about his well-being. Make it his conversation.
• Remember to always say "please".
• Remember to always say "thank you".
• Add another 15 cards to the deck.

Each morning, just after getting out of bed, I'd shuffle the deck and select a card. That card, together with yesterday's card, would be my mission for the day! Since then, I started to see a change in myself. My world suddenly wasn't so dark anymore! Slowly but surely, people began relating to me in a whole different way. This was my first step on the road towards improvement!

It was shortly after, that I was led with Hashem's guidance to GYE!

I encourage you to apply this into your own life. I guarantee that if you apply this - one or two cards at a time, together with the guidance of the 12-Step program, you will see a very very powerful recovery!