I am held up as an example of excellence in learning and davening, all the while holding a demanding job. Of course, no one knows about what I REALLY do. I am not a fraud, by the way. I am always upset after falling, and resolve to stop. It's just that I cannot seem to stop. ( Maybe I am an addict?)
This seems to be a very peculiar combination, - very frum good bochur (and later kollel man, and later combining learning and working), with sexual addictions. In fact, having read a lot of GYE, I discovered that this is a very common combination. I am not sure why, but maybe our frumkeit is not really about submitting to Hashem's will, but about pursuing perfection and excellence. In other words, we are serving our ego, not Hashem. And there is nothing better for smashing one's ego then realizing that we have an addiction that is out of control.
I feel my heart pounding when I see an unfiltered computer, with my whole being feverishly scheming a way to be alone with this dreadful machine. With all the resolve in the world, I can usually resist for about a minute or too before falling. And a short time earlier I may have been davening Mincha with true Kavono!
Is it addiction? Is it "normal"? Is the rest of the frum world like this?
Well, I say, "Who cares!"
It does not matter if most people are like this, or not. Noone except from the One Above really knows what the extent of this problem is. But the main thing is, that this is NOT NORMAL. Even if the whole world is doing this, this is not normal! The Torah defines what is truly normal, not our sick western society, which affects all of us. What the Torah defines as normal is true life, which is what we are really trying to pursue (we just get confused what true life is about).
So GYE is about getting back to NORMAL (here they call it SOBRIETY). This does not mean that the problem disappears. In fact, the first step is accepting that the problem is here to stay. But it means, learning to deal with this problem in a mature and Torahdik way.
The good news, by the way, that I am now sitting alone in front of a pretty unfiltered computer, and not falling. (Please get filters, by the way. But sometimes, one does end up with an unfiltered computer too). In fact, I am over 100 days clean. Am I scared when I see a computer? Yes! But I am gradually learning how to deal with this problem.
The key from my experience and from what I read here the key is not to focus too heavily on the lust problem, but to learn to live differently, for Hashem and not for ourselves. This is a long, sometimes painful, but incredibly fulfilling and necessary process. In fact, we have no choice. Hashem will force it out of us, one way or the other. If we try a bit ourselves, the pain will be less.
As far as specifics, it sounds like you are quite deep in addiction, as you yourself realise. This is not something to feel guilty about. It is just a fact. The key seems to be speaking, at first in the Forum, later in person. But for that, there are many here who know more about this than I, and are willing to help.