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So Liberating!

GYE Corp. Monday, 27 February 2012

I am so happy. I can't believe that I had a free, unstructured day at my office, and I didn't get stuck pounding away at Google for things that conflict with my sobriety. It was totally liberating. I had some thoughts telling me, "just search for this or that", you know, that habit of searching aimlessly which always precedes a more blatant search for shmutz. And I said "no!"

No?! I said "no" to something which has dogged me for years, made me feel like a loser, a wimp with no self-control, dirty, low, etc... I said, "I am not going to waste my time on this now!" Instead, I worked a little and read the forum. And I am feeling stronger now, heading toward the end of the day.

I am jealous of Reb Guard's Olam Habah for doing this. I grew. I truly grew. I am utterly in awe. For the first time, I believe I can overcome this habit and finally stop these aimless searches (read: searching for trouble).