"Rage" is gonna be upset at me for wishing him a Mazal Tov now, because he gave up 72 of his days to help someone else who was struggling on the forum - and he's officially only at day 20 now. What? How can someone "give up" days for someone else? Well, let me bring you his amazing post. This is one of the greatest examples of Ahavas Yisrael that I have ever seen on our forum (and that's saying a LOT :-)
You know, this 90 day chart is very, very important to me, and I do think it is very important... When I saw this site and started getting involved in the 90 days I honestly did not think I will last 2 days... I was so unbelievably weak... It was years since I last even tried to be clean... I went on vacation this summer and I thought I'd give it another shot... I figured that when I quit smoking, it started with a two week vacation in which I didn't smoke a single cig... So I figured, if I go the vacation without porn and masturbating, I'd beat this too... Well, within a few days I was locked into a cramped bathroom with my netbook, cursing myself the world and losing faith in everything... That was this past summer... I was truly hopeless... I gave up... I said, you know, this world is just not made for such godliness... this 'lust war versus G-d' is over, and G-d lost... That was my thinking the day I came across this site - as I was searching for even more deviant porn... This network: a beacon of hope in an ocean of destruction... a little tiny signal, blip, blip, blip... soft and weak... but there... flashing and calling the lost souls.... So I followed the beacon and was on the 90-Day chart and it became very very important to me... I read a lot on the site and forum, and I began eliminating lust... Before, I would think about sex all the time... during business meetings, lust; on the subway, lust; on the street, lust; even during learning or davening, and even when I was with my wife I would fantasize... I changed that for the sake of the chart.... I knew that if I wanted to stay on that chart I would need to stop lusting... And sometimes I white-knuckled it to get through another tough day and stay on that chart. But as I continued and worked on not lusting, I didn't need to white-knuckle as much anymore... And even when I left the forum for a while, I was still very careful to come every day and update the chart... The march had to go on... I went through three niddah cycles so far... they were hard... It is still is harder during those times... But the march goes on... and I let go of lust... I just don't think about sex... When a sexual thought comes up, I make it go away, whether through prayer, rage, jokes, or something else... I don't let it linger and fester and grow... Getting to the top of that chart was such a big part of the change in my life... Just seeing the numbers get closer and closer to the big 90 was so important to me... Well, I earned 76 days - and I am now two weeks away...
And then Rage dropped the bomb shell. For the sake of this struggling person, he removed himself from the 90-Day chart at day 76 and signed up again as only 4 days clean - in order to climb back up to the top of the chart TOGETHER with this other struggling member. Here's what he wrote:
So here's the thing... I put myself at exactly your pace (go update yourself today to day 4)... And we will climb this thing together... Every day that you update, I will update (and chalila the opposite too)... And some time around Purim, we will both be near the top together... 90 Days... together... I really really wanna climb this thing back to the top, so let's go, please... No more falls... One day at a time... Half a day at a time... Here... Now...
After 7 days clean together, Rage made another commitment for the sake of their "partnership":
Besiman tov ubemazal tov - we have hit one week clean together... In honor of the seven days and the 'no more falls' initiative, we are happy to announce that for every week of the first 5 weeks that we stay clean during our 13 week adventure, Rage will donate $18 to GYE... The donation will only vest at the completion of the 5 weeks should we be zoche... For weeks 6-10, Rage will donate $36 per week to GYE, such donation vesting at the end of the 10th week... For the last three weeks, Rage will donate $52 a week, with the donation vesting at the completion of the 90 days... So far, we have raised $18 for GYE (should we make it through the first 5 weeks)...bracha vehatzlacha to all!...
After they reached 14 days together, RAGE began to FAST for this other member as well. Here's what he wrote:
I have accepted upon myself bli neder, to fast three days, Monday, Thursday, Monday, starting tomorrow, with the purpose of each fast day to ask Hashem to make this easier for you... I have accepted the fast for tomorrow and will be"h be fasting for you... And again on Thursday and again on Monday... My prayer, taken from masechet Brachot, is that Hashem should view the fat and blood that I lose as a result of the fast, as if I sacrificed them on the mizbeach, and take my sacrifice as a prayer that you should have an easier time to reach 90... And the second part of my Kabbala is, that every time we fall, chas veshalom, I will take upon myself, bli neder, another three day fasts, Monday Thursday Monday, until we reach our destination of 90.... WE CAN DO THIS TOGETHER!!!
May Hashem be with us.
What a beautiful display of Ahavas Yisrael!Ashrecha Yisrael, Mi Kamocha!
Considering the lust-assault we're facing in today's world, it's no surprise we're here on GYE... But the fact that we said we will NOT play along and we will NOT join in the game and we will NOT be another clone, is reason enough to believe we have a little sanity left... Sanity is a full time job in this world, you know...
If you look around the forum, you will notice that some addicts have this notion that somehow being less or more "religious" has something to do with fighting this thing... What attracted me to this chabura in the first place was a message I read somewhere on the home-page that said something like: "We need to recognize that this is an addiction that has nothing to do with our level of observancy..." The two are separate tracks that both need to be worked on, but this addiction needs to be worked on more urgently... Becoming more religious will generally not solve this issue.
When I get attacked by lust I turn to Hashem and I say..."You're kidding me, right?... You put us here in a world where we didn't stand a chance... This Fourth Reich culture that shoves lust and gluttony in our face is too powerful... We can't even turn on the freekin Disney channel without this cr*p gettin shoved at us... on the subways, on the streets, in the books and magazines... we never had a shot... So you know what? This one is on YOU... You take it and You deal with it... It's Your problem now... Next time, if you want me to deal with it, make it a fairer fight..." Yeah, I'm goin to h*ll for talking like that to the big dude, but I'm going anyway. At least I will go sober and free :-)