Today I was sitting in the bus and I saw a man reading a newspaper.
Now, I used to have huge problems with newspapers.
I used to read them everyday, all of them (5-6)...
The free ones... those are the most terrible ones!!
The Pritzus, the rubbish, all the unhealthy stuff they put in there.
Oh, and the pics... the worst!!
I couldn't resist. It was like drugs for me.
I JUST HAD TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON, ALL THE GOSSIP, ALL THE STARS...
Be'kitzer, all the emptiness...
Then I decided that this was really bad for me and I tried to stop.
I dunno if you guys get me, but I was taken over by the magazines.
There wasn't a day without them...
It wasn't easy at all!
Especially as my Mom kept reading them and telling me about stuff, and stars, and looks...
And it made WANT to read it even more...
And sometimes I was too weak and glanced at them, and in them...
But those were B"H little accidents...
With time, it got easier.
Now I can PROUDLY say that I haven't read or looked, or even held a newspaper/magazine in about two months.
I still sometimes really want to look into them and read them, but it's getting better...
Today when I sat in the bus, I looked at that man and at the newspaper,
and for the first time, I didn't want to read it.
I didn't want to look what was in it. I didn't care!
I was disgusted...
And it hit me.
Our addiction is similar in a way.
WE FEEL WE CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT IT!!!!
WE CAN'T!!!
But we fight it...
We have little accidents...
Also big ones...
But I think, and it gives me a nechama, that with time, it's gonna get easier.
It may never be gone, but easier...
It's gonna be disgusting to me (if it's not yet).
And I just can't wait for the day that I'll be able to say:
"porn??? ewwww, how could I?"