Dear guardureyes, yesterday was my one-year anniversary on GYE. What is a birthday for if not for reflecting on the past year? Have we grown? Are we the same as we were last year? Well, for 38 years straight, I was the same every year, YEAR IN AND YEAR OUT. On Yom Kippur, the bracha says, 'umavir ashmosainu bichol shana v'shana'- which means G-d wipes out our sins every year. Well, until I found GYE, I was asking every year for Him to wipe out my sins. This year, for the first time in my life, I DO NOT HAVE TO ASK HIM TO WIPE OUT THIS SIN, BECAUSE I DIDN'T GO TO THAT PLACE EVEN ONCE. Of course, I still need help on my OTHER sins, which are many. But, at least, on this one particular sin, He can rest this year :-) So, thank you, thank you, and thank you again for doing this tremendous, tremendous tova for the Jewish world. May Hashem grant you and your family and friends and all who are dependent on you, much bracha and continued hatzlacha with your holy, holy work.
If Jack can do it, we ALL can!
Jack suffers from so many things, low self esteem, anxiety, abusive childhood, fear and constant pain (from a burst appendix in his youth which never fully healed), and he was heavily addicted for 38 years! Jack is mechayev (obligates) us all.
For 15 years, every single time I needed it, I just followed it until I was sick, and then resolved never to do it again. That lasted for a day or two, maximum a week, and then I was right back. So now, what do I expect of myself - that it's going to be easy?! I know it will be hard, but I'm trying all the same.
It was good timing that today's chizuk email spoke about Jack, I followed his story a year ago and he really is mechayev (obligates) us all. I don't usually cry (I leave that to my wife), but I read his posts and story and my eyes were filled with tears.
Jack's story is unbelievable. I am so encouraged when I see people that did it. Real people. Normal people who make me realize that I can do it too. Unbelievable.
Yes, it's hard for me to believe myself. I went through torture, if you remember. But it was worth it, boy was it worth it. It would have been much much easier not to do anything about it, but I grabbed on to you guys, and I never let go. And I don't plan on ever letting go.
I have to remember that I can fall any time at the drop of a hat. So far I haven't, but I know I have to be on my guard every second. Just this morning I thought about what would be born from my actions if I would stumble, and it stopped me. I AM an addict and I have to watch it.
And by the way, Rabbi Twerski says that someone can become an addict to anything, such as alcohol, as long as it fills a void. Remember the 'void' that I cried about last year and you wrote to Rabbi Twerski twice for me (see here and here)? Well, B"H I don't feel that void anymore. Don't ask me why, because I won't be able to tell you, but I just don't feel it anymore.