We received the following sheilah:
I am reaching out to you on behalf of a good friend of mine. She had a boyfriend for a few years, and now that she is soon going into shidduchim, she realized she may not be a besula but she is unsure. She did have relations a number of times, however, she knows her hyman was not broken. She does not know where to go from here. She needs to know if she is halachically a besula or not?
Rabbi Morgenstern Responds:
The status of being a besula does not depend on whether the hyman was broken, but rather whether she had relations. If there was the smallest penetration, then she is not a besula.
GYE Asks:
Won't it be terribly embarrassing under the chuppah not to say "Habesulah"? I know that kavod habriyos is of paramount importance in Yiddishkeit. Is there an eitza for this?
Rabbi Morgenstern Responds:
There are different solutions, and what should be done will depend on the Rav officiating at the wedding. There are ways to insure that only the choson himself and two witnesses (and the mesader kiddushin or an appropriate Rav) would know. Nothing has to be made public. When the question becomes relevant, suggestions could be made privately.