We received an outpouring of feedback on the above. I would like to share with you some of the replies we received, because they are both informative and inspiring!
Hi. I can't begin to tell you what a chizuk this email was today. I fell yesterday after a year or so of being clean, and I was beginning to feel that hutera haretzua (the rope was released), but this is a clear siman min hashomayim (sign from heaven) to get back on the horse and forget about yesterday.
Thank you so much.
Guard, thanks, this was absolutely meaningful! I too had one of the hardest weeks I could remember last week... Thanks for your beautiful words.
BTW. for more insight and chizuk during the 3 weeks, I recommend R' Tsvi Meir Zilberberg's sefer on parshas Dvarim. It's eye-opening. (See the Shiur from Shabbos Nachamu, Parshas Re'eh, 5759, page 137, for some major yesodos in this struggle).
WOW guard, this email was timed perfectly. After more than a half a year clean, I could feel myself slipping the last couple days. I didn't fall "all the way", but I got caught reading some erotic stuff, and I felt the same cycle of depression setting in. The only difference was, that somehow I was able to refrain from continuing on to the p**n and the mast**n. But knowing that it's not only me who is struggling in this period of time gives me a lot of strength to continue. Looking back, I am amazed at the fact that I didn't fall all the way down. You can be sure I will be back on the forum, if only to give myself the strength that I need during this tough time. Thanks for the great email!
Rav Wolfson, at this week's Shalosh Suedos drasha, talked about the idea of how Hashem sometimes makes Tzaddikim fall to be Mesaken others who did the same sin. He used an example of a Tzaddik who had to eat Treif for purposes of Refua.
I think the same is going on here. We have a group of Tzaddikim that are constantly fighting, and in this tough period of the year they don't always win. You can add me to this list of the fallen (although I am not in the category of a Tzaddik).
Last night for the first time in a very long time, I looked at someone with the intention of gazing at their beauty. I ended up asking Hashem for forgiveness several times today for it, but the missed opportunity to rectify the other times that I had gazed is gone. Boruch Hashem, the seforim I am learning from Rav Shalom Arush make me believe that Hashem caused me to sin yesterday, so I am not depressed about it - but I almost wish I have another opportunity, so I can do real T'shuva.
Hopefully my T'shuva, and the T'shuva of others on this site that are working our way back up the ladder, will be a tikun for klal yisroel in the area of Kedusha.