Years before I came to SA and recovery, someone showed me the 12 steps. I had a read of them and, to be honest, they went right over my head. Sure, I believed "in a Power greater than myself". What kind of a frum Jew was I if I hadn't "turned my will over to G-d"? I went through all the steps and was convinced that there were no "chidushim" here for a religious Jew, let alone a Ben Torah.
After coming to SA and working the program and steps, I can see how foolish I really was. To me, the difference between now and then lies in how I answer the following question: "How do I know that G-d exists?" Back then, my answer would be a lengthy refutation of all other logical theories, and a presentation of the hard hitting fact that 2 million people saw G-d at Har Sinai. Today, though, my response is simple, "I know He exists because I just spoke to Him 10 minutes ago". I know my Mother exists because I saw her and conversed with her this morning, and that’s how I am sure of G-d's existence as well. It's not based on proofs and theories, it's simply something I know and experience in a real and personal way every day.
Yes, I believed in G-d all along and could give lengthy droshos about emunah, but it was only after I came to recovery and admitted powerlessness over my lust disease, that I came to clearly depend on G-d, talk to Him with total clarity that He was there, and see how He helps me.
After admitting total powerlessness over lust [even over the "first" drink"], I was faced with two options: either self-destruction and eventual death, or find a power that could help me. In the beginning, the power I found was other members of SA to whom I constantly reached out for help. Eventually, I needed something stronger. I had no other "choice" but to reach out to G-d. I wrote a first step prayer and said it every day. I prayed to Him when I had the urge to lust. And something amazing happened: He answered me.
But why was it different this time? I reached out to him and prayed to Him hundreds of times before? The difference is simple. I now had noone else to turn to other than G-d. There was no "other choice" out there, and when one prays to G-d with the understanding that there is nothing else that can help him, G-d answers. In recovery, I was forced to acknowledge there is noone else to turn to, and it was then that I became assured beyond the shadow of a doubt that G-d exists. When I finally reached a point of "Mai-ayin yovo ezri" - from "nothing" can come help - it was then that I merited "ezri mayim Hashem".
That was how this real relationship with "my G-d" got started.