I have been doing a lot of thinking, and I noticed that ever since I've stopped "acting out", for the past 2 and a half months, I've just been facing life difficulties which I don't know how to solve, so I am left with bottled up anger.
Before 2 and a half months ago, I had a solution - or more correctly - an escape. True that it came with along with guilt and other feelings, double life, etc, but at least it was a great escape. Now I just stifle my desires, and convince myself that I am happier, super imposing (all sorts of) emotions on myself, ignoring the 'pile' that lies underneath me.
Is this really better for me? Maybe when I'll get married I'll be able to act in accordance with my nature and then I'll be happy, but until then I don't know. Please explain to me why this is better for me?
You've just touched upon the core of the 12-Step program. The 12-Steps don’t teach us how to stop; they teach us how to STAY STOPPED. You see, we've been using the addiction to self-medicate and sooth ourselves to get through the "bumps" in life for many years. When we finally see how it is hurting us and we try to STOP the addictive behaviors, we suddenly have to face REAL LIFE for the first time. We no longer have a fantasy world of self-pleasuring to escape to. And an addict will RELAPSE if he doesn't learn NEW ways of coping with life’s natural frustrations.
See this page: http://www.guardyoureyes.com/tools/calls for our 12-Step phone conferences. (If you want a possible alternative to the 12-Steps that uses this same theory, check out www.curethecraving.com).
If we DON'T learn how to deal with real life, we will be messed up. That's why many addicts are very immature and have under-developed social skills. While their peers learned how to deal with the real world, they never did. Whenever they felt any emotional pain, they just escaped to their own little fantasy world and never learned to deal with real life in a mature way. Imagine what this does to a marriage, job, being a father to kids, etc...
Hatzlacha