I have done the 12 steps without the groups, so I can testify that it is possible to grow from the 12 steps without the groups. However, those who went to the groups will tell that you will gain a lot by going to the groups. There are definitely advantages of doing it with the groups over doing it alone. But whether I did it the proper way or not, makes no difference. It gave me a framework for growth. So even if you decide that groups are not for you - for whatever reason (practical or other), the 12 steps can still be your address. I would advise though, to look at the Jewish version of the 12 steps on the Guardureyes website (over here). It is more direct for a yid trying to reconnect.
A few weeks ago, Boruch sent me a very important article called "Gersham's Law" to read. I will try to summarize the article very briefly as follows:
The article outlines how, since the inception of the 12-Step system in the 1930s, there have evolved a few strains of 12-Step approach today; The Strong Way, The Medium Way and The Weak Way. Over the years, the 12-Steps have been watered down and have come to rely more on the power of the group's "social structure" as opposed to relying on the actual program - which was meant to be a powerful and life-altering spiritual experience. The article also charts a profound drop in the statistical effectiveness and overall recovery rate of the 12-Step groups, over the years. As the article states towards the end:
"AA worked in the first place because its Twelve Steps were a workable set of guidelines to spiritual experience. Growth of the movement made possible for a time a kind of parasitism in which partial practitioners and non-practitioners of the spiritual principles were able to feed off the strength of those who had undergone real spiritual experiences. But at this point in time, the parasites have already drained the host organism of a considerable portion of its life force".
After I had read the article, Boruch wrote me as follows:
Unfortunately, the basic problem - as described in that article - of "watering down the steps" has spread to us too. Let me explain.
Our instant-gratification society has ignored the original prescription of AA which was ALL about Group, sponsor and working the steps and has just taken the steps in isolation. Who needs a Group and sponsor if I can just read a list of steps on my own? Why, we can find lists of the steps all over the web and many think that there is some value in the steps on their own.
That is a fatal error. Not just because you need a group to implement the steps. But because trying to understand the steps in just a few sentences as it appears on the site (over here) is no less than trying to figure out the contents of the Mesilas Yeshorim without ever reading the sefer, just by looking at the 10 steps of R' Pinchos Ben Ya'ir (upon which the Mesilas Yesharim is based). Or like learning Hilchos Shchitah without ever having seen a real Shchitah. Can you become a Shochet this way? Of course not. That's why "Shimush" is vital for any Rav before he can pasken Halacha.
In the old days, it did not matter whether an alcoholic read the Big Book, or even whether he could read. He heard the Big Book in meetings, and his sponsor and many of his fellow members had read the book. He got the system that way. Today, many groups skimp on the readings, the sponsors themselves have not read the literature and so many groups have lost their way. Especially those who content themselves with just reading a list of the steps!
We need to go back to encouraging the old AA system of group, sponsor and working the steps. And for those who are not ready for that yet, we need to encourage them to read the Big Book.
But we have not done that yet on Guardureyes, and we are paying the price without even realizing it. I can give you one excellent, well intended example of where we have totally lost our way.
On our site we have The 12 Torah Steps (copied from www.jewishsexuality.com). What could be better than that? Torah and the Steps wrapped in one!!! The best of Bill W. and Breslov. It seems like the perfect combination. Self-help, spirituality and kedusha all rolled into one. And all in an easy, step by step guide.
I am going to say something that will sound extreme, but once you see it, it will be as clear as day.
In producing the Torah Steps we have totally lost our way. We have shown that we never had the first idea of what the Steps are. We have turned the Steps into something they were never intended to be, into something that cannot work for the majority of Frum addicts. All because we did not read the Big Book.
When you read the Big Book you will see that the steps are all about Foundations. Foundations that are common to almost all religions.
They are not protim (details). None of them.
They are not even klolim (general rules). None of them.
They are yesodos (foundations). All of them.
They are Yesodos so basic, that most religions - with all their stupidities - recognize their universal truths. They are equal and applicable to every human being.
The alcoholic and addict needs to begin life anew. He needs to build new foundations for a new existence. He has to start his entire building over again. And for this, he needs yesodos - foundations, like Cinder Blocks. You don't use decorative ceramics for foundations, you don't even use regular bricks. You need Foundation Stones. You don't use klolim (general rules) for foundations, and you certainly don't use protim (details) for foundations.
"Abandoning Lust" is a foundation stone. That belongs in the steps of the sexaholic. That is clear and simple. It is equal and relevant to everyone.
How about saying tikkunim and mikva (as mentioned in the Torah steps)? As much as they are an integral part of the path to holiness, are these foundations that are so basic that all rational religions agree on them? Do they apply equally to all human beings?
Of course not. Even for those who practice them, they are not foundations. They are not even general rules, they are "details". It is like building a foundation on decorative glass.
It is important to realize that in promoting these "lists", we undermine the whole building. Because the foundation of this tower that we need to fight the yetzer hara has to be steps so simple, so basic, that you can do all 12 steps wherever you are, in any time or place, without prerequisites of any inherent spiritual levels. Steps that are such foundations that everyone gets them, even non-Jewish drunks.
And the same goes for other details mentioned in the 12 Torah steps such as; stringencies within marriage, admitting sins to a Torah scholar, not gazing at forbidden sights, Torah study, yiras shomayim and shmiras hamitzvos. Of course we should aim for kedusha (holiness), but kedushah is the top floor. It is not the foundation. Woe to those who try and use their top floor materials to build their foundation. By all means, start working on holiness right now and today, build yourself an entire building if you can, from the foundations all the way to the top floor, in one day. But whatever you do, don't use your top floor as your foundation.
Like we've said in the past, the Rash Mikinon learned all the hidden secrets of Kabbalah, but how did he daven? Like a one-day-old baby.
We should indeed aspire to reach all levels of holiness, Fear of Heaven, Love of G-d and Torah learning. But how should we come back to Hashem? Like a simple drunk, using the 12 steps of 1939.
I think that this Pasuk in Koheles 7:29 says it best: "Asher asa ha'Elokim es ho'odom yoshor, veheima bikshu cheshbonos rabbim - G-d has created man straight, yet they have sought many calculations (complications)".
The Yetzer Hara knows that once he can make it complicated he will win.
So let's keep it simple and return to what worked. Not lists of steps. Not changes to steps.
1) Encourage the way that worked and the way that still works if you do it, and that is; Group meetings, a sponsor and working the steps.
2) We need to encourage those who are not yet ready, to read core AA and SA literature. This will encourage the suffering addict to ultimately join an SA group and get the steps in the strong way, the right way and the way that works.