An all-time, tried and proven method for teshuva and successful spiritual growth is mussar study. However, a few words of caution are in order: Are you wondering if you should be firing sharp questions at yourself, with lots of castigating trips down memory lane? Not at all! Assessing where one currently stands in relation to his goal or comparing the present to how he looked a year ago constitutes neither cheshbon hanefesh nor a correct way of mussar study. In fact, every morning in Pesukei D’Zimra we read the passuk (Divrei Hayamim I 16:27), עוז וחדוה במקומו - Might and happiness are in His abode. Teshuva should bring about immense satisfaction; if it makes a person sad, it’s a sure sign it’s not being done correctly.
So then, what questions should I ask myself? Simply this: In my given circumstances, am I doing all I can in striving for purity of eye and mind? If not, then what can I do to change? What caused me to stumble yesterday, and how can I avoid it and improve today?
Ultimately, mussar should give us a strong feeling of conviction and of a profound purpose in our lives, a compelling sense of self-worth, and an unwavering intimate relationship with Hashem. If mussar causes us to feel down and inclined to quit, we have obviously gone wrong somewhere. ‘ ישמח לב מבקשי ה - Happy of heart are those who seek Hashem, (Tehillim 105:3).
World history is replete with instances of smaller battles being lost en route to winning the actual war. Casualties are inevitable, but setbacks don’t melt a soldier’s steel. He rallies, determined not to forget that, despite the ups and downs, his sworn mission is to be a loyal soldier and give it his all.
When missiles are flying, would the military ever think of stopping in mid-action to mourn fallen comrades? No, boys, we dare not dissolve into weeping now. Spirits up and no drooping chins is the only way we’ll win. Even this war between superpowers is really smallscale in contrast to the real all-out, never-ending marathon battle we wage with our own yeitzer hora, notes the Chovos Halevavos.
We Yidden are permanently stationed on a battlefield. The King of kings wants us to carry on, undaunted. Our high morale is imperative. Confidence in success leads to success. Inevitably, some points will be lost, but so long as we have not left the battleground, we can still be victorious. Yes, it’s a terrible pity that our enemy managed to infiltrate our defense lines. But what folly to allow our losses to make us feel overwhelmed and defeated.
It’s just what the Satan is waiting for. The Satan will often accomplish far more when we close shop and give up trying than with the actual sin itself. Sadness over losing a battle makes us flounder, with little enthusiasm left to restart our motor. Therefore, it’s far better to keep our morale high, blithely ignoring the echoes of our past mistakes. Furthermore, a feeling of inner contentment negates any (perceived) need to seek excitement and stimulation in foreign pastures. If anything dampens our adrenalin, it’s the Satan who’s playing the tune.
Astronaut trainees find sheer exhilaration in practicing the art of walking and lifting huge objects while in a zone of simulated weightlessness. We, too, need to learn the feeling of spiritual weightlessness, where no baggage of previous wrongdoing will be allowed to weigh us down.
This doesn’t mean that Hashem will overlook our sins. There will be justice, but we can’t afford to slump because of it. A positive attitude is the best way forward. Disappointment in ourselves leads us dangerously close to our arch enemy - despair.
So when the Satan tries to persuade us that we’ve seen so much already a bit more can’t make much difference, send him packing, and right away! Instead, we’ll lift our chin a notch or two higher, determined for our life to be not a mess but a masterpiece!