As is well known, the more we get out of ourselves and do for others, the less control the addiction has over us. Tonight is the Yartzeit of Rachel Imeinu... Whenever I picture her self-sacrifice at giving away her username and password :-) to her sister Leah on the very night that she was supposed to be marrying Yakov Avinu, I am mind-boggled anew! Let us all learn from our Matriarch Rachel the meaning of self-sacrifice and Chesed!
A few days ago, Uri posted on his thread on the forum:
I had a long talk with my sponsor last night who insisted that, no matter what,today I have to "live life".
So I went to shacharis in the morning...
But I was still in an awful mood.
Suddenly a bus pulled up in front of me.
I looked up at the destination.
Kever Rachel.
I got on.
For those who have not been there yet, Kever Rachel is surrounded by Arabs, and your visit is direct. In. Daven. Out.
So I went up to the tomb and cried for a bit.
I whispered:
"Mama Rochel, why do you cry?
I have what to cry about.
My life sucks.
And I'm probably gonna be on the direct route to h*ll.
Mom, I know why you're crying.
Because you love us and feel our pain.
Please feel my pain.
Please accept me, for my own mother does not....
Truth is, your life was pretty bad too.
We're in the same boat, Mom.
We both just want/ed love.
Cruddy home life, depression, etc...
But you became Mama Rochel.
And I'm just Uri, the sex addict."
And I cried.
But I felt better as I returned to Yerushalayim...