For me, it wasn't about getting caught... I still believe that I can likely carry on forever and never get caught... I probably will never lose my job or family because of it... So why am I doing all that I can to stop, even joining these embarrassing SA meetings?
I guess there were two intangibles there for me, that made me revolt against the disease... The first is that feeling that you are being totally controled by another... "Now you do what it tells you"... I couldn't be that way... And the second is even more intangible... The feeling like I was being eaten alive from the inside... Like I was dying... that I was losing who I am at my very core... Maybe those two feelings are related, But for me it was NEVER about getting caught or losing something... I just want to be me... It's that simple... I can't live under the control of this disease... So I will stop at nothing to break free...