Said the student to his Rebbe: “I want happiness”. Replied the Rebbe: “First remove the “I” which is haughtiness. Then remove the “want” which is desire. After that, all that will be left is “happiness”.
The pasuk in the beginning of Bereishis says “And G-d saw that the light was good”. Our Sages say that G-d didn’t want the light to fall into the hands of those unworthy and so He hid it for the World to Come (therefore it is called the “Ohr Haganuz” – the Hidden Light). Where did He hide it? He hid it in the Torah.
We can probably assume that this great light, which is the purpose of creation, contains the ultimate happiness that we can ever hope to have… But what does it mean that the light is hidden in the Torah?
To try and answer this question, let us take a deeper look at the story of Kabbalas Hatorah. The Zohar in Parshas Balak brings down the story of how G-d approached (the heavenly minister angels of) each nation and asked them if they wanted the Torah or not. They replied by asking what it says there, and G-d showed each nation the one thing that was hardest for them to give up. For Esav he showed “Thou shall not murder” since the strength of Esav is achieved by way of the sword, as it says “On your sword you shall live”. Giving up murder would mean giving up the very essence of his strength and existence which “Seir” was not willing to do. For Yishmael G-d showed “Thou shall not commit Adultery”. The strength of Yishmael is through numbers, as it says (Breishis 14:20) “Behold I have blessed him, and will make him fruitful, and will multiply him exceedingly; twelve princess shall he beget, and I will make him a great nation”. By forbidding promiscuity, Yishmael’s angel (Rahav) feared that it would not be able to maintain the strength of Yishmael's very essence, and so he too refused. And so it went for all the nations… G-d showed them all the thing that would be most difficult for them to give up, and they all ended up refusing the Torah. Not only did they refuse it, but they encouraged G-d to give the Torah to the Jewish people hoping that if the Jews would have all these restrictions they would never be able to prosper and would fade away. Indeed, the Zohar says, the nations even offered to give gifts from their own power, so that the Jews would agree to accept the Torah. Eisav gave some of his strength of the sword to the Jewish people, and that is why the Jews have been able to win wars (for example, during the reign of the Jewish Kings and today in Israel as well). And Yishmael gave some of its strength of “numbers” to the Jews, and that is why the Jewish people have been able to remain a nation against all odds. And this, says the Zohar, is the meaning of the Pasuk (Devarim 33:2): ה' מסיני בא וזרח משעיר למו, הופיע מהר פארן ואתה מררבות קדש מימינו אשדת למו – “G-d came from Sinai and “shined” from Seir (Esav)… (He shined from the strength of Esav onto the Jewish people) and he bestowed from Har Paran (Yishmael)…
The Zohar provides a parable. A wealthy and wise doctor discovered the elixir of life and wanted to give it to his only son. But he was afraid that his many servants would be jealous and try to steal it. So what did he do? He placed precious potion inside a vial, and on the tip of the vial he placed a small amount of substance that had the smell of death. When he announced to his servants that he had discovered the elixir of life, they all wanted to partake of the incredible potion. But when they brought it close to their faces and got a whiff of the smell of death, they returned it to their master saying, “Master, this precious elixir of life is worthy only for your son!” And deep down they secretly hoped that the son would take the potion and die, and they would be the ones to inherit their master’s wealth. They even offered their master to give his son gifts from their hard-earned money so that he would be convinced to accept it.
This is a fascinating Zohar, but why is it that G-d asked of His creations to give up their most precious asset, their very essence, as a prerequisite to receiving the Torah? And what does the parable mean to tell us regarding the “smell of death” on the tip of the vial?
Perhaps the answer to these questions will also explain what our Sages meant by G-d hiding the great light of creation inside the Torah. It seems that the “smell of death” on the tip of the vial may very well be the method that G-d uses to hide the great light inside the Torah. Furthermore, the answer to these questions may reveal the path to this great light that G-d has in store for the Tzadikim, and which He has hidden in the Torah.
To answer the questions of the previous section, an introduction to the purpose of creation is necessary.
The Ramchal and many other Tzadikim explain that G-d created the world for one purpose only; to bestow His good upon us... TheBa'al Hasulam explains that the evil inclination is nothing more than "the desire to receive for the self". This desire was implanted in us by G-d in order that He be able to bestow his good upon us. G-d wouldn’t be able to bestow his good on an entity that was really just part of Him… After all, in essence, everything in the universe is G-d! Our bodies, our minds and our hearts are really G-d. Even our souls are just a חלק אלוק ממעל – “A part of G-d on High”. So how could G-d give anything to us, it is essentially giving to Himself? To solve this, G-d created us with aרצון לקבל - “a desire to receive” so that we perceive ourselves as separate from G-d. Since G-d does not have a desire to receive anything (from whom would He receive? He lacks nothing and there is no one else!), through this desire-to-recieve we became separate and different than Him. (In truth there is nothing but G-d - אין עוד מלבדו. But we perceive ourselves as separate. This is one of the great paradoxes that man can never fully comprehend, and it requires faith. It is similar to our inability to grasp how on the one hand we have free will but on the other hand we say that everything in the past was really G-d’s will).
While this "desire to receive" is necessary for our existence (otherwise we would just be part of G-d and not separate) it is the "opposite" of G-d -because He has no desire to receive anything. G-d has only a desire to "give", yet we exist only by virtue of our desire to "receive". Being opposite of G-d does not allow us to become truly close to Him. Because in spiritual terms, the more similar you are to something, the closer you are to it. And the more different two things are, the farther apart they are. There is no “distance” in Heaven, only “difference”. And this difference in our nature causes us “shame” to receive G-d’s good for our own sake (as the Ramchal calls it נהמא דכיסופא – “bread of shame”). As part of G-d, our souls yearn to be similar to Him, like a branch wants to be similar to its root. Receiving causes us to feel the difference between G-d - the Giver, and us - the takers, which causes us shame.
So what is the solution to this dilemma? How can we receive the good of G-d without shame? We can't just negate the "desire to receive" or we would cease to exist as separate from G-d. Not only that, if we destroyed our desire to receive, G-d would no longer be able to bestow his good upon us, which was the whole purpose of creation! So according to the Baal Hasulam, our job is not to destroy the "desire to receive" but rather to elevate it to the point where we desire to receive only for G-d's sake and not for our own sake (this is the meaning of לשמה). Ultimately, we will all come to this level at גמר התיקון (the end of all “fixing”) and learn how to receive only to "give" pleasure to the Creator. In this manner of receiving, the best of both worlds is achieved. Not only can G-d bestow His good on us, but we don't feel the shame of being different and separate from the Creator through the act of receiving, since we are receiving only for His sake. This allows G-d to bestow his good on us, because the pleasure we receive is still enjoyed by His creations, but the enjoyment is for the sake of the great King and not for the sake of the "self". We are receiving because that is the will of G-d and because it gives Him pleasure, and not because we want to enjoy it ourselves.
This also allows for the enjoyment that G-d wants to give us to become infinite in nature. For if the enjoyment was only for the "self", it would be limited to the capacity for enjoyment that we were created with. For example, if one creates a cup that can hold a liter, once a cup is full, it can’t receive anymore. So if the taking would be only for ourselves, then once we got all we wanted it would be over. However, if our enjoyment is for the sake of the Creator, then the greater the Creator is in our perception, the greater the enjoyment is. And since the greatness of G-d has no limit, so too our enjoyment will have no limit. In the World to Come, G-d will keep revealing a little bit more of his greatness each day, and this in turn will make the pleasure that the Tzadikim receive from G-d more pleasurable all the time, since their receiving will be for the sake of a King who never stops getting greater in their eyes!
But because this type of receiving (for the sake of the Creator) is a very high level, to get there one must first be willing to forgo any receiving for the self at all. The more we are willing to give up our desires for G-d's sake over the course of our lifetimes, the more we become worthy - and ABLE - to accept all the good that G-d wants to give us for HIS sake. In all honesty, most of us are probably far from these lofty levels of true לשמה, but the more we train ourselves to emulate the attributes of the Creator in our actions and in our intentions, and by developing an attitude of outer-focus instead of inner-focus, the closer and more similar we can become to the Creator, and the more we are preparing ourselves to receive His great light.
The Zohar explains that the 613 Mitzvos of the Torah have two functions (1) “Taryag Itin” which means “613 eitzos” – advice, and (2) “Taryag Pikudin” – 613 Commandments, which include the great light of each Mitzva (פקודין is a lashon of פקדון– referring to the light that is “deposited” inside each Mitzva). When a person reaches the level of לשמה, he merits to feel the great light inside each of the Mitzvos. But before we reach that level, the commandments function as “Itin” – advice, i.e. 613 tools that help us learn to let go of the self and give our will and our lives over to G-d. Each Mitzva teaches us somehow to give up another aspect of the self. In every detail of our lives there are mitzvos. Whether we buy a house and put up a Mezuza on the door and a fence on the roof, or whether we dress and put on Tzitzis, eat and bless G-d, harvest our fields and give tithes and leave Shikcha and Peah, we Jews are blessed to have Mitzvos at every step and stage of our lives. And if this wasn’t already enough, our Sages came and instituted hundreds of mitzvos de’rabanan, prayers, halachos and minhagim. It seems that there is not a single aspect of our lives that is not governed by some halacha or another, even the way we put on shoes in the morning and the way we are to bathe ourselves. The Torah - and by extension our Sages, teach us to constantly live with G-d and for G-d, and to love G-d with all our hearts and with all that we have. Why? Does G-d need something from us? No. But it is the peeling away of the ‘Self’ that is the secret to the great light and happiness that He wants to give us.
With this understanding, perhaps we can now comprehend what is meant by the light of creation being hidden in the Torah. The Torah is a blueprint for letting go of the Self and learning to give over our Will to G-d. Not only do the Mitzvos give us this (as in the “Taryag Itin”), but Torah itself (when studied) has the power to help us let go of the self, as our Sages say המאור שבה מחזירו למוטב - “The light in it brings one back to good”.
But giving up one’s will feels like “death” at first. That is what the Zohar means by the “smell of death” on the tip of the vial. G-d specifically asked the nations to give up the very source of their strength and existence before they would be able to receive the Torah. Why? Because the great light of G-d is “hidden” in the Torah under the heavy mantel of the SELF. If the nations had been willing to give up their deepest desire, the one thing that defined them more than anything else, that would have been the opening for them to be given the Torah and access the great light of creation.
It follows from all the above that attaining happiness and the great light of G-d is achieved when a person merits to change their focus from the SELF to that of being of service to G-d. We also find this concept hinted at in Tehillim in a number of places. Here are 3 examples:
The Pasuk says (Tehilim 86:4): שמח נפש עבדך כי אליך אדני נפשי אשא - “Give joy to your servant, for to you G-d, do I lift up my soul. The Beis Aharon of Karlin explains that “lifting up his soul” to G-d refers to messiras nefesh. When we give over our will to G-d, we are essentially letting go of the ability / illusion of being able to control our own happiness in any way. But no human can live without at least some happiness or motivation. That is why Dovid Hamelech asks G-d, please give me joy G-d, for I am totally yours with complete abandon. When a person let’s go of the self, they are basically saying to G-d, "I will no longer attempt in any way to make myself happy. I throw myself into Your arms, and You G-d, will care for me and provide me with the joy and motivation necessary to live and be of service to You." When we do this, G-d Himself provides the happiness. And when G-d provides happiness, you can imagine that it will be a much greater and truer happiness than when we attempt to bring it upon ourselves by running after our own petty desires.
What indeed is messiras nefesh? Many people think it means throwing oneself into a fire ‘al Kiddush G-d’. This is true as well, but there is a common misunderstanding regarding this concept. After all, there are many terrorists who are willing to detonate suicide belts and kill themselves for “Allah”. What differentiates them from a Jew who is ready to die for G-d? The answer is simple, yet profound. Messiras Nefesh has nothing to do with what you are willing to sacrifice, even if it is your very life. As long as you are sacrificing it ultimately for your own self, it is a selfish act. When a terrorist blows himself up, he believes that he will go straight to Heaven and be given 72 virgins. He is actually doing the most selfish act possible - that of killing other human beings for what he imagines is his own personal ticket to eternal bliss. This is the very opposite of Mesiras Nefesh! The words Messiras Nefesh mean ”Giving over of the soul” and this does not require death or pain to be real. It can be achieved even during the highest levels of Simcha (joy). It is simply the desire deep in the Jewish soul to give everything away to G-d, to let completely go of the self, as Dovid Hamelech said “to you G-d, I lift up my soul”.
Of course, when a Jew dies al Kiddush Hashem and cries Shema Yisrael, he is also achieving true messiras nefesh. The real meaning in the words “Hashem Echad” are that there are no other desires or “self” other than G-d. The words “Hashem Echad” don’t just mean that there is only one G-d. Every 5 year old can tell you that. “Hashem Echad” really means that we want to give ourselves completely over to G-d so that our will no longer exists as separate from G- d, but rather that there only exists G-d’s will. When a Jew gives up his very life with this intention, he is giving up his entire self to G-d and causing the greatest “unification” of G-d possible. “Hashem Echad” really means to say that all I have, all I do, and all I desire – it should be G-d’s will. I am His; there is only Him. That is why Kriyas Shema is called “messiras nefesh” in the holy books.
When we read Kriyas Shema twice a day, we can have lofty thoughts of messiras nefesh while either imagining that we are being thrown into a fire for G-d’s sake, or while we are rejoicing in being children of such a great and awesome G-d. It doesn’t matter, for when a person truly gives themselves over to G-d in his heart, they wouldn’t care anymore whether they are given everything by G-d (even all the pleasures of the world!) or whether they are being thrown into a fire. Because when it’s not about “me” anymore, there is only G-d's will.
Of course this is a very high level to reach, but perhaps this is similar to what we can reach on Purim through drinking and rejoicing until the point where one no longer knows the difference between "cursed is Haman and blessed is Mordechai". What do our Sages mean to say with this example? When a Jew is at the level of messiras nefesh – which is made easier on Purim through the high levels of joy we reach (and with the alcohol also helping us forget the “self”) then there no longer exists any evil. For no matter what happens, all is G-d.
Because learning to let go of the self and give over our will to G-d is the purpose of creation (so that we can receive the light of G-d) every human being is given training in this area from the time they are born until the day they die. Indeed, G-d structured the world in such a way that no good things come easy, as the saying goes “No pain, no gain”. Pain, by definition, requires some level of “letting go of the self”. If we want health, we must learn to sacrifice our desires and eat healthy foods (which, for some reason always seem to taste less good and be less readily available than the unhealthy foods are). And we must learn to exercise regularly, exerting ourselves and fighting laziness in the process. It seems preprogrammed into the human experience to have to work hard, be of service to others, and let go of at least some of our desires for a greater purposes. We were put in this world for this and we cannot escape it. To this end, G-d has designed the lives of all human beings with the following stages of altruistic training:
Level 1 - Parents: Every human being is given parents on the day they are born. Through them we begin to learn what it means to have to listen to someone wiser and more experienced than ourselves, whether we like it or not. It’s not easy for us at age 2-3 years old to begin to accept authority, but we quickly learn that we have no choice and do it anyway. Slowly we develop the wisdom to understand and trust that our parents have our best interest in mind and simply know better than us. We learn from our first experiences that we can’t have everything we want, and that life will require some discipline and sacrifice. These lessons are forced upon us at a very young age until we slowly grow into it. Indeed, these are man’s first and most crucial lessons in getting a step above the pure selfish desire that we are born with, as the Pasuk says: עיר פרא אדם יוולד – “Man is born a wild beast”.
Level 2 – Siblings: Through our siblings, we are forced again and again throughout childhood to recognize that the world doesn’t center around us. We learn that there are others we must share with, give in to, live with, and stick up for. This is already a higher level of altruism than level one. It is a known phenomenon that single children who never had siblings grow up to be much more self-centered than children who have siblings. There is also a much higher divorce rate among single children later in life. This points to siblings being such an important and crucial part of the maturation of a human being.
Level 3 – a Job: The way G-d created the world is that if we are to survive and put bread on our table, we must provide some sort of service to others. And if it was easy to provide these services, then your potential customers presumingly wouldn’t need you to do it for them, hence they wouldn’t be willing to pay for it. So we have no choice but to learn some sort of discipline that not everyone can do on their own, which allows us to be of use to other human beings. Learning a discipline often takes years of hard work and sacrifice. Those who drop out of school early and don’t work hard, often end up working even harder down the line through menial and physical work. It is known that children of rich parents are often much more self-centered. When a child grows up with the feeling that all is provided without having to work hard for it, they can end up much less mature. It is the need to provide for others, in whatever work one does, and the need to please the customers and interact with other human beings, that provides a much needed step in the maturity cycle of a human being.
Level 4 – Marriage: Marriage counselors will tell you that the secret to a happy marriage is learning to put your spouse’s needs before your own. Marriage allows us the chance to mature to a much higher level of selflessness. While parents and siblings were forced upon us, marriage is not. Yes, we are kind-of tricked into it by nature, but if we want to keep the marriage going and remain happy, we must learn what it means to care for another human being. We must learn to understand someone who thinks differently than us, and really be there for our spouses, both physically and emotionally. Perhaps that is why G-d made men and women’s brains so different. If we had the same way of thinking, marriage would be too easy and we wouldn’t learn to let go of our "selves" like we need to.
Level 5 – Children: Until we become parents, we are still living in our own selfish bubbles. As much as marriage can help us mature (if done right), it is still kind of like a ‘business deal’ where both sides stand to benefit. But once we become parents, we are thrown in to a whole new level of selflessness. Parenthood is much less reciprocal than marriage. Our children don’t give us back anything for all the tireless effort we put into them, and the sleepless nights we spend rocking them to sleep and caring for all their little needs. (There’s a saying “Parenthood is basically a series of things not going according to plan”). Besides for the immense amount of effort and sacrifice that parenting takes, we must learn to step down to the level of those who can’t understand us (and who throw tantrums when they don’t get what they want, no matter how much you try to reason with them). Parenthood is a big step forward in maturity and altruism. And as a wise man once said: “The secret to being a good parent is putting our children’s needs before our own”. If we want to raise emotionally healthy children, this new level of altruism is something we will have to learn.
Level 6 – Loving your fellow man: Rabbi Akiva said, “The commandment of ‘And you shall love your fellow man’ is a great foundation of the Torah”. Why is this commandment considered such a foundation? Because the entire Torah was given to us for this purpose, to teach us altruism and how to let go of the self! When Hillel was asked by a non-Jew (who was considering converting) to sum up the Torah on one foot he said, “That which you would not want done to yourself, do not do to your friend”. Over the years, mankind has progressed and matured to understand that society can’t exist without us all accepting that what I would not want done to me should not be done to my neighbor. Human experience pushes mankind in this direction. From the barbaric world of thousands – or even hundreds of years ago, the enlightened nations have progressed to the level where slavery has been abolished, human rights are embraced, and justice systems have been installed to ensure that every human being has the right to live in peace and freedom. In addition, advances in transportation and communication have made unity between nations possible world-wide. The UN was established for the purpose of ensuring that all countries live in peace with each other and uphold basic human rights. (The fact that the UN abuses its mandate to consistently bash Israel over all other real human right abusers is just a symptom of age-old anti-Semitism, which is still alive and well today). In our day and age, when a nation on the other side of the world commits a crime against its people, the enlightened nations protest and come to the aid of the downtrodden. When there is a natural disaster somewhere in the world, many nations send help and aid. Mankind has matured so much over the past few hundred years. Most monarchies, despots and dictators have all but fallen to the dust of time, and the drastic differences that used to exist between the social classes (such as between nobles and serfs) have all but been erased, to the point where even the President of the the world’s most powerful nation can be impeached for simply telling a lie! (There is a beautiful video called “The Secret of the Jews” that demonstrates how the nations are progressing and maturing under the influence of the Torah that was given to the Jewish people 3,000 years ago). As much as parents, siblings, marriage and parenthood can help us mature, at the end of the day, these ‘significant others’ are really extensions of ourselves. It is human nature to want to have a good marriage and to desire only the best for our children. But through learning how to truly love our fellow man and care even about those who we don’t have any connection with, we are able to grow to even higher levels of selflessness.
Level 7 – Religion:The main tenants of the world’s largest religions, Christianity and Islam, were taken from the Bible – the Book of all Books. Some Sages say that even the tenants of Buddhism originate from Abraham, as the Pasuk says (Genesis 25:6) “And to the children of his concubines Abraham gave gifts and sent them from upon Yitzchak his son while he was still alive, eastward to the land of the East”. The Rambam writes that inasmuch as the religions of the nations may be misguided, it was G-d who orchestrated for them to adopt these religions in preparation and training (if you will) for the ultimate truth. By teaching their followers to let go of selfishness, love their fellow man, serve G-d and trust Him, and to give their will over to G-d, even misguided religions were meant to be important players in preparing humanity for the real truth and great light that G-d ultimately wants to bestow on His creations.
The Talmud in Shabbos (33:2) brings down a story where the Sages were discussing the beautiful architecture, bridges and bathhouses that the Romans had created for the benefit of the masses. Some of the Sages praised their munificence, but Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai exclaimed “כל חסד דעבדין לגרמיהו דעבדין– all the kindness that they do is really for themselves”. When the Romans heard that he had said this, they wanted to kill Rabbi Shimon and he was forced to flee with his son Elazar to a cave for 12 years. Why did it bother the Romans so much that he said this? The Baal Hasulam in the Sefer Matan Torah writes that the most significant difference between the Jews and the rest of the nations is that only the Jewish people currently have the ability to reach levels of pure unadulterated altruism through the great light of the Torah. Non-Jews are capable only of reaching a level of altruism that can be called “enlightened self-interest”. Through the giving of the Torah, the Jewish nation was tasked with being the trail blazers, as the Pasuk says (Yeshaya 49: 5) ונתתיך לאור גויים– “I have given you as a light to the nations”. Ultimately though, writes the Baal Hasulam, even the rest of the nations will achieve this ability, after the Jews have reached their full potential. But this will take place only after the Moshiach comes. Perhaps it is for this reason that Rabbi Shimon’s words bothered the Romans so much. They were loath to admit that the Jewish people have a unique Torah and unique souls, which allow them to reach a higher dimension than they are capable of reaching. Who knows, perhaps G-d even orchestrated that Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai would be forced to flee to the cave and thereby reach the awesome spiritual he reached (ultimately authoring the holy Zohar) specifically over this issue. For this was the secret of Rabbi Shimon’s greatness, as he testified about himself at the end of his life: בחד קטירא אתקטרנא ביה בקוב"ה– “I have been ONE attached to G-d” all the days of my life.
In addition to the 7 previous levels, let us explore two additional levels of altruism that the Jewish people were provided with:
Level 8 – Subjugation to Tzadikim: Ever since the Jewish people became a nation G-d sent them Tzadikim to guide them, as the Pasuk says “And they believed in G-d and in Moshe His servant”. The Tzadikim in each generation are the bridge between Klal Yisrael and their Father in Heaven, as the Yidden said to Moshe “You speak with us and we will hear, and let G-d not speak to us, lest we die”. And as Moshe told them “I stand between you and G-d”. The Torah commands us to listen to our sages “and not turn from their words right or left”. Chazal explain: Even if they tell us that our right is our left, we must listen to them. Who are the Tzadikim that we must listen to? Chazal say אם דומה הרב למלאך ה' צב'קות תבקש תורה מפיהו" – “If the Rav is similar to an angel of G-d, Lord of the hosts, you should seek Torah from his mouth”. Angels have no will of their own. They are in complete servitude to G-d and can do only his will. In other words, a human being who has risen to greatest heights of altruism through the stages listed above and through great light of the Torah and Mitzvos, he is someone who can be a true bridge between you and G-d. Through Emunas Tzadikim and the submission to the words and will of a Tzadik without question or reason, even if they tell us that our right is our left, we learn to submit ourselves to G-d’s will at a very high level of altruism.
Level 9 – Serving G-d: The service of G-d Himself is the highest level of altruism. And we humans need all the stages (above) to learn how to do this right, because G-d is abstract and it is very difficult for us to learn how to give over our will to G-d without being able to see and interact with Him directly. Chazal say that Chavakuk came and summed up the entire Torah in these words: “צדיק באמונתו יחיה” – the Tzadik lives in his faith. By serving G-d without seeing Him, through faith alone, we can achieve the most refined and altruistic level possible for humans to reach, and this indeed sums up the entire purpose of the Torah and all the levels that we described above. Serving G-d through faith doesn’t mean “blind faith”. It just means that we be ready to go beyond our understanding. This is because when we serve G-d only at the level of what we understand, it is ultimately the ‘self’ at work again. But when we are ready to go beyond our understanding, we are not just giving up our will, but also our minds to G-d. It is known that many Tzadikim are given high levels of understanding and divine light, yet they still choose to live on Emunah, as Chavakuk said above. What this means is that they are always ready to go one step ABOVE what they understand, preferring faith over understanding in all their divine service.
Ultimately, we all need to reach this high level of true altruism, giving our lives over fully to G-d. It is for this purpose that we were given all the previous levels as a training ground. Through these levels, and through the great light of the Torah and Mitzvos, we can finally become proper vessels for the hidden light that G-d wishes to bestow upon his creations.
The Rebbe of Kobrin said over 150 years ago, "How bitter and dark is the world when one is immersed in it, and how sweet and bright is the world for those who are not immersed in it". Being "immersed in the world" means being immersed in one's desires. One can only feel the great light and sweetness of G-d if they let go of the self.
Our redemption from Egypt is mentioned 50 times in the Torah and we are instructed to remember the Exodus every single day of our lives. And so many of the Mitzvos we do are זכר ליציאת מצרים - "A rememberence to the redemption from Egypt". Why is the Exodus so central to the Torah and to Judaism? The holy books explain that our slavery to Mitzrayim (which comes from the root "meitzarim" meaning "boundaries and suffering") symbolizes the slavery that humans have to the self and to their desires. G-d freed us from the bondage of Egypt and brought us to Har Sinai to give us the Torah. The purpose of all this was to free us from the bondage of the self and learn to serve G-d instead. The bondage was symbolized by painful slavery to an urelenting master who refused to let us go and asked "Who is G-d that I should listen to His voice?". This is similar to our Self-Ego-Yetzer Hara who refuses to recognize G-d and let us serve Him. After the redemption, we followed G-d blindly into the barren wilderness on faith alone, and G-d provided us with all our needs. We had to let go of the slavery mentality and became a people of G-d. That is why the Exodus is mentioned 50 times in the Torah and why it is so important for us to remember it every single day. And so many of the other mitzvos are tied to this rememberance as well, all to instill in our hearts that the underlying purpose of ALL the Mitzvos is to teach us to break free of our bondage to the Self and serve G-d instead. Yitziyas Mitzrayim is indeed the story of our lives and a parable for the entire purpose of creation.
On Pesach we are commanded not to eat or find chametz in our homes, while at the same time we are commanded to eat the Matza. Leaven symbolizes the "Self" as it is blown up. Matza symbolizes the opposite of leaven; humility and subjugation to G-d's will. The words חמץ and מצה have the same letters besides for one, the ה and ח. And the difference between those two letters is but a tiny dot. In the physical reality as well, the difference between the Matza remaining unleavened or becoming chametz is but a moment in time. This is part of the theme of Yetziyas Mitzrayim. The difference between bondage to the self - even when it is "enlightened self- interest", and between true לשמה - for G-d's sake only, is but a hair's breadth. And yet, it is that difference that makes ALL the difference; like the difference between chametz - a sin, and matza - a great mitzvah!
If the purpose of creation was for G-d to bestow His good on us, what is the role that suffering and pain play in the overall scheme of things, and why is there so much of it in the world?
Many people have a misconception of G-d as vengeful or scary; threatening us with punishment if we don’t listen to Him. This is a misconception. When the Torah speaks of the “Fear of Heaven” it doesn’t mean that we should be afraid of G-d. The Maggid of Mezrich is quoted (in the Sefer Toldos Yaakov Yitzchak) as saying that while “Fear of G-d” is a great achievement, being “afraid” of G-d is one of the worst misconceptions a Jew can have (as in, “Who knows what G-d will do? He might kill me for this or for that!”). After all, how can we truly trust in G-d if we’re afraid of Him? Could a perfect G-d who has no needs and created us only for our own good possibly be “scary”, “mean” or “threatening”? Surely G-d understands us and loves us much more than we can imagine! He can’t possibly hurt us. Basic fear of G-d is simply the fear of His awesomeness and His judgment (as we are all taught from a young age). But an even higher level is the fear of disappointing such a great and loving G-d! It is the fear not doing G-d’s will and causing pain to the שכינה– the Divine presence (כביכול) for not being able to bestow His good upon us as He wishes to. True “Fear of Heaven” in any form will increase our trust and comfort with G-d, not detract from it - G-d forbid.
The pain and suffering in the world are not “punishments of a vengeful G-d” but rather like surgery for a sick person. As we’ve discussed above, the universe was structured in a way that leads us all in the direction of altruism so that G-d can bestow His good on us. When humans act immature and run away from the tools that G-d has given us to help us achieve altruism in a peaceful and beautiful way, pain and suffering are the only recourse to strip us of the self until our hearts are broken, as the Pasuk says after the Tochacha: אז יכנע לבבם הערל– “and then their uncircumcised hearts will submit and be humbled” to follow the path towards the light.
Why have the Jewish people suffered so much throughout history? All the curses of the Torah’s retributions (Tochacha) have come to pass upon us through endless wanderings, expulsions, decrees, pogroms, crusades and the terrible Holocaust of the last century that wiped out two thirds of European Jewry in the most horrible ways imaginable. The reason we seem to be singled out by G-d for suffering is because the Jewish people were chosen for an awesome responsibility by the Master of the Universe. We Jews are like the King’s inner guards, and the Torah and Mitzvos that we have are like the special uniforms that the King’s guards wear at all times with pride. All those who see the Jewish people are supposed to be reminded that there is a Creator of the Universe. It is our destiny – from which we cannot escape – to represent the King and to be the ones to spread the will of the King in the world. How? First and foremost by changing ourselves through the Torah and Mitzvos, and by being an example to the world of an altruistic people who live for G-d (and whom G-d, in turn, takes care of with love). The Jewish people are the closest to the purpose of creation. When we fail at our task, we are “forced” back onto the path. The “curses” of the Retribution are not “punishments” per se. They are just the “long path” towards the goal that results when we refuse to take the short path. Our 'Self' needs to ultimately be “peeled off of us”, whether we like it or not. G-d desires to bestow His good on us, and nothing will stand in the way of His goal. As the parable of our Sages goes, there are two paths in life: The long-short path, and the short-long path. The long-short path has thorns in the beginning, but is short and sweet afterwards. The short-long path is easy in the beginning, but is long and full of thorns throughout the rest of it.
To reiterate the premise of this entire article; the great happiness and pleasure of G-d’s light is waiting for all of us in plain sight. We just need to be ready to strip our “SELF” away and it will begin to flow through us! It is important to point out though, that if our only intention in being “selfless” is to receive G-d’s light, it won’t work very well (because this once again becomes about "me"). Instead, we need to develop a true desire to emulate G-d and become “Givers” so that we can do His will and become One with Him, as the pasuk says ולדבקה בו- “and to cling to Him”. And our sages ask, “How can one cling to G-d, He is an All-Consuming Fire?!” And they answer, “One should cling to His Midos. Just as He is merciful, so too must one be merciful, etc.” When we do act in this way, with these intentions, the light of G-d automatically begins to flow through us and we will merit great joy.
Those who struggle with lust and feel deep down that it is the most precious thing in the world, are fortunate to have an opportunity that few others have. By surrendering to G-d’s will and giving this up, we have a direct channel into the great light of true happiness. When we are willing to surrender that one desire that overshadows all others, we are able to jump to very high levels and the light of G-d immediately begins shining through us. We can experience an inner happiness and serenity that few people merit in this world! For as we described in the previous sections, the secret light of creation is hidden behind the barrier of the self. Giving up our deepest desire is the opening to the Torah for us. The Nations of the world wouldn't give up that one thing they wanted the most, but when we do, we accept the yoke of Torah and give our lives over to G-d. And the rest follows on its own.
The 12-Step program of alcoholics anonymous has been used to help millions of people around the world to break free of all kinds of addictions. The first and second steps of the program are just about recognizing that one has a problem that they can’t deal with on their own, and they come to believe that a Higher Power can help them. But the real secret to the success of the program lies in Step Three: “We made a decision to give our lives and will over to the care of G-d”. The rest of the steps are only follow-up to that step, enabling one to do Step Three properly. For faith without action is like a soul without a body. Step 3 can’t take root without the rest of the steps. But in essence, the program is really just all about step 3. (No one should ever expect to do Step 3 perfectly, but we work in that direction).
Based on all we’ve discussed above, it is clear why this program works so well. An addiction is a symptom of “self- will run riot”, as explained in the 12-Step literature. In the first two steps, we come to the difficult realization that a life run on self-will simply doesn’t work. When we try to control and produce our own happiness, we fall into behaviors that only end up destroying us, and an addict is the best example of this. When the addict no longer has a choice because their life has become unmanageable, they are forced to learn "enlightened self-interest", and learn to give over their will and their lives over to G-d to run. The rest of the steps help the addict to make this real, and when it does, G-d takes over and takes good care of us. The Self is stripped away, all the channels are unblocked and the light of G-d starts to flow through us. We become free of the obsession, no longer needing to resort to these destructive “self-medicating” behaviors. We feel happy, in G-d’s hands, and are able to achieve sobriety and serenity. As they say in the program, “Give it all away to get it all back”.
Religious Jews often question how the 12-Step program can help a Jew who was suffering from sexual addiction and committing grave sins. After all, such a person should need a great deal of Teshuvah and suffering to atone for their past! There’s a beautiful piece in the Beis Ahron of Karlin on Parshas Ki Sisa on the first Pasuk: בני ישראל לפקודיהם ונתנו איש כופר נפשו לה'כי תשא את ראש . He writes that when a Jew wants to be uplifted and “fixed” from his sins and do a true Teshuvah, he should give his soul for a redemption, i.e. he should be ready to accept upon himself complete messiras nefesh for the faith of G-d, and through this messiras nefesh all his sins become automatically fixed and he can come to the highest level of clinging to G-d.
Those who truly works towards the 3rd Step to give their life and will over to G-d to the best of their ability may be able to achieve very high levels of Teshuvah. For when we truly belong to G-d, the past is automatically fixed and G-d cares for us in the future as well.
1) Send your thoughts to gye.help@gmail.com. We may post your comments in our daily chizuk e-mails to inspire others to read this article as well!
2) Inspiration is quick to dissipate; it only lasts if we take it and put it immediately into something PRACTICAL. What can you do to be free a bit more from the bondage of the SELF? Make a commitment today to join GYE's 12-Step phone conferences (beginning a new cycle after Pesach). Add some more time to learn Torah each day. Set up for yourself a TaPHSiC shavuah. If we do our best, G-d will do the rest!