Said the student to his Rebbe: “I want happiness”. Replied the Rebbe: “First remove the “I” which is haughtiness. Then remove the “want” which is desire. After that, all that will be left is “happiness”.
Those who struggle with lust and feel deep down that it is the most precious thing in the world, are fortunate to have an opportunity that few others have. By surrendering to G-d’s will and giving this up, we have a direct channel into the great light of true happiness. When we are willing to surrender that one desire that overshadows all others, we are able to jump to very high levels and the light of G-d immediately begins shining through us. We can experience an inner happiness and serenity that few people merit in this world! For as we described in the previous sections, the secret light of creation is hidden behind the barrier of the self. Giving up our deepest desire is the opening to the Torah for us. The Nations of the world wouldn't give up that one thing they wanted the most, but when we do, we accept the yoke of Torah and give our lives over to G-d. And the rest follows on its own.
The 12-Step program of alcoholics anonymous has been used to help millions of people around the world to break free of all kinds of addictions. The first and second steps of the program are just about recognizing that one has a problem that they can’t deal with on their own, and they come to believe that a Higher Power can help them. But the real secret to the success of the program lies in Step Three: “We made a decision to give our lives and will over to the care of G-d”. The rest of the steps are only follow-up to that step, enabling one to do Step Three properly. For faith without action is like a soul without a body. Step 3 can’t take root without the rest of the steps. But in essence, the program is really just all about step 3. (No one should ever expect to do Step 3 perfectly, but we work in that direction).
Based on all we’ve discussed above, it is clear why this program works so well. An addiction is a symptom of “self- will run riot”, as explained in the 12-Step literature. In the first two steps, we come to the difficult realization that a life run on self-will simply doesn’t work. When we try to control and produce our own happiness, we fall into behaviors that only end up destroying us, and an addict is the best example of this. When the addict no longer has a choice because their life has become unmanageable, they are forced to learn "enlightened self-interest", and learn to give over their will and their lives over to G-d to run. The rest of the steps help the addict to make this real, and when it does, G-d takes over and takes good care of us. The Self is stripped away, all the channels are unblocked and the light of G-d starts to flow through us. We become free of the obsession, no longer needing to resort to these destructive “self-medicating” behaviors. We feel happy, in G-d’s hands, and are able to achieve sobriety and serenity. As they say in the program, “Give it all away to get it all back”.
Religious Jews often question how the 12-Step program can help a Jew who was suffering from sexual addiction and committing grave sins. After all, such a person should need a great deal of Teshuvah and suffering to atone for their past! There’s a beautiful piece in the Beis Ahron of Karlin on Parshas Ki Sisa on the first Pasuk: בני ישראל לפקודיהם ונתנו איש כופר נפשו לה'כי תשא את ראש . He writes that when a Jew wants to be uplifted and “fixed” from his sins and do a true Teshuvah, he should give his soul for a redemption, i.e. he should be ready to accept upon himself complete messiras nefesh for the faith of G-d, and through this messiras nefesh all his sins become automatically fixed and he can come to the highest level of clinging to G-d.
Those who truly works towards the 3rd Step to give their life and will over to G-d to the best of their ability may be able to achieve very high levels of Teshuvah. For when we truly belong to G-d, the past is automatically fixed and G-d cares for us in the future as well.
1) Send your thoughts to gye.help@gmail.com. We may post your comments in our daily chizuk e-mails to inspire others to read this article as well!
2) Inspiration is quick to dissipate; it only lasts if we take it and put it immediately into something PRACTICAL. What can you do to be free a bit more from the bondage of the SELF? Make a commitment today to join GYE's 12-Step phone conferences (beginning a new cycle after Pesach). Add some more time to learn Torah each day. Set up for yourself a TaPHSiC shavuah. If we do our best, G-d will do the rest!