I read "Garden of Emunah" over Shabbos... it really makes everything so simple. We need to plain-and-simply connect to God. Fulfilling my selfish desires is against Emuna, because it means I feel that "I need to do this now or else I'll be _______". So instead of "let go & let god", I am doing the opposite every time I give in.
I need to refocus. Everything I do needs be with God's help. I need to focus on the fact that God is providing. Right now, God will help me finish this post. EVERYTHING. If I'm constantly thinking about God, I won't have time for other things...
I'm in the process of setting up a Gvoice# so I will have an anonymous telephone number to use with a sponsor / partner soon.
I read something today which I believe can be applied to us (from sefer Chofetz Chaim):
"The quality of shmiras haloshon should be attained gradually. The first step is to accustom oneself to avoid groups involved in idle conversation and to train oneself not to inquire about the latest gossip. One should train himself, little by little, until he reaches the point where he does not even want to be informed of any gossip. With the passage of time, Hashem will help him so that shmiras haloshon will become a part of his very nature. He will find it incredible that others can transgress the sin of speaking loshon hora, which to him has become something repulsive, like anything else which the Torah prohibits."
It's like imagining someone would eat cockroaches. I gag just thinking about it. (Not about the person. But about the action). And I also wonder why in the world people would subject themselves to that. They're obviously not well.... which means I can treat them like sick people.... I want to be repulsed by the sin...