Chapter 31- How Willpower Works
We need willpower to overcome temptation. Besides for making our battles easier, willpower helps us be vigilant when we are challenged.
There are many ways willpower helps us stand strong. First, knowing what we can’t do no matter what eliminates the gray area where the yetzer hara has his fun. It’s hard for the yetzer hara to get us to do something we know is wrong. It’s much easier for him to sway us after making us unsure whether the action is wrong. He implants rationalizations into our thinking and at the same time makes us desperately want to indulge. This enables us to fall for the rationalizations without seeing the holes in the argument.
Here are some common rationalizations that can sway a person:
“What’s the big deal? It’s not so bad. If it’s asur at all, it’s probably just a derabanan. But anyway, it’s probably technically permitted. Though it isn’t the best conduct in the world, it’s not really wrong, and I really want to do it, so why should I hold back?”
“Who did I hurt? Nobody! So what’s the problem? There’s nothing wrong with it.”
“What’s the big deal if I do this once? I am just trying it out. What, am I going to live without ever experiencing this? I am just doing it this one time; I’m not a sinner. There are no serious consequences. It’s no big deal.”
“All my friends do a thousand times worse than this. It can’t be too bad. And even if I do this one action that isn’t so great, I’m still way better than them anyway.”
“This mitzvah is only for tzaddikim. It is only like a chumrah.”
“What does Hashem expect? It’s impossible! How can He ask me to control myself? Hashem cannot really expect me to keep this.”
“Who can hope to be clean from these sins? There’s no way I will succeed, so it’s pointless to deprive myself now. I’ll be a failure anyway, so I might as well enjoy myself.”
“This is such a great pleasure! If you get it, you won’t lack anything. This is all that matters. Don’t think about tomorrow. It’s not real.”
“You will be euphoric over experiencing this pleasure forever. After attaining this, nothing will ever bother you. You will be above everyone else who never experienced this pleasure. You will be unique.”
“This is such an incredible pleasure! It feels so good, and you can’t live without it. Don’t even think about why you shouldn’t give in. You need it. This pleasure is the most amazing experience that exists! It’s worth going to Gehenom for this!”
And finally, if a person has sinned a few times: “I’m no tzaddik. I do these things. I already do much worse regularly. What would it matter if I control myself now? I already am a failure and a sinner. Even if I stop myself this time, that won’t change. Will it really make a difference if I indulge one more time? I might as well enjoy myself.”
These rationalizations are tricks of the yetzer hara to get us to give in. But if it would be clear before the challenge begins that this activity is undoubtedly wrong and may not be done no matter how extenuating the circumstances, the desire would be unable to sway us enough to accept the rationalization. No matter how caught up a person is and how lowly he identifies himself, he won’t do what he knows is wrong. Without the ability to rationalize, he is incapable of giving in.
Therefore, we must reinforce that the activity we are trying to get under control is undoubtedly asur. The more real this becomes to us, the less we will fall for yetzer hara’s rationalizations, and the stronger we will be.
This is even more effective if you keep reminding yourself that you are a person who does his best to keep Hashem’s will, even when it is difficult. Remind yourself that you don’t do things that are asur, and build determination not to give in (see Chapter 29). Then, when you are challenged, you will be able to tell yourself, “It’s asur. I don’t do things that are asur.” This protects you from the yetzer hara’s excuses that make giving in seem okay. And if you ever are unsure whether a given activity is asur, ask someone with da’as Torah.
Another way willpower helps us stand strong is that it enables us to confidently say no to the yetzer hara. The yetzer hara creates doubt to weaken our commitment to stand strong. When we are uncertain that the action is wrong, even if we sense that it is inappropriate and plan not to do it, we lack the same determination. But if we remember that indulging is definitely wrong and we remain determined to do what’s right, we will have the strength to defeat the yetzer hara. Because we will know that it’s forbidden and that we don’t do what’s asur no matter what, we won’t even consider succumbing. The yetzer hara won’t be able to penetrate at all.
We must become determined not to give in to the yetzer hara no matter what. This will help us not be swayed by desire so we can stand strong in the battle of the generation.
Note: For more on this topic, listen to Rabbi Shafier’s Shmuz 19: “I Never Do Anything Wrong” and Shmuz 42: “Tricks of the Soton” (www.TheShmuz.com).
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