Chapter 47- Mentoring
Many people have related that helping others conquer desire dramatically boosted their own self-control. This makes a lot of sense. Being a mentor helps the person in many ways.
First, the best way to master a concept is to teach it to someone else. Teaching the ideas that promote self-control makes them clear and helps the mentor internalize them. This strengthens him tremendously.
Second, acting like a teacher makes the person expect to control himself. Being respected as a mentor for desire-related challenges makes it feel normal for him to overcome temptation. People usually act consistently with how they view themselves. Because mentoring helps him identify as a person of self-control, he is more likely to control himself. Further, people feel funny going against what they preach. Feeling that he should live up to what he teaches helps the person muster the strength to control himself.
Third, providing guidance in any area helps the mentor taste success. Obviously, a person who helps others — especially if they succeed and become happier — will feel great about himself. The less a person thinks about himself and instead focuses on making a difference in the lives of others, the better he will feel. In addition, being looked up to will automatically make him feel better about himself. And when a person is looked to for guidance, this increases his respect for his own opinion and makes him feel knowledgeable about life. He feels capable and smart. Feeling respectable and capable is vital for success. By improving the mentor’s sense of self, the mentoring relationship does wonders in his battle with desire.
Finally, a person who tries to help others receives special assistance from Hashem to fight his own battles (see Pirkei Avos 5:21). Seeing that this person is trying to help His children, Hashem feels a special appreciation and love for him (Mesillas Yesharim, end of Chapter 19). Hashem grants him special help and guides him to success.
A person who mentors someone battling desire must do it correctly. He should try to provide support and encouragement like an older brother. He must empathize with the struggles of his friend and avoid looking down on him for his mistakes. This will encourage the person to open up to him. The mentor must encourage the person and infuse him with the belief that he can attain self-control. He must believe in the person and respect him for his efforts to fight temptation. He must be careful not to talk down to him in any way, which could jeopardize the relationship.