Life in this world must be at least somewhat fair. Thus, Hashem made it possible for us to sin and arranged that painful atonement is needed to remove the damage our sins do to us. This makes it fair when we are rewarded. There has to be a potential for suffering as the last resort to get rid of our sins (if we don’t remove them with repentance) for it to feel fair when we are rewarded. Then, when we have settled our balance of aveiros and emerged pristine and full of our accomplishments, we can bask in delight forever knowing we have truly earned our reward and status. Rather than feeling like nuisances receiving handouts, we feel significant and amazing forever!
This point is conveyed by the Ramchal in Mesillas Yesharim (Chapter 4): “Just as Hashem does not hold back from rewarding for any good deed, no matter how small it is, so too He doesn’t withhold from judging and admonishing for any bad deed, no matter how small.” Hashem judges our deeds with exactness so that it feels fair when He rewards us for each good deed and every positive element of any action we do. Now when He rewards us for deeds that seem minuscule or insignificant to us, we won’t feel that He found a loophole to give us a handout we didn’t deserve; rather, we will feel that it is just and we will be proud of what we have done. This is the essence of Hashem’s system of judgment. Because of this system, we will feel great for even the “minor” deeds we have done and we will receive phenomenal reward for them. And we can’t fathom how we will feel about great deeds done despite difficulty and how incredible the reward will be.
Now we can realize that if Hashem sends us suffering, He is not doing it out of anger. Maybe He is reminding us to accomplish more and to stop harming ourselves, or to repent and remove our sins without pain. Perhaps He is cleaning our sins with suffering so we emerge pristine and full of accomplishments forever. Maybe He is challenging us to enable us to truly accomplish. Or maybe He has another reason. But Hashem is doing it out of love. When we sin, we do something foolish that has consequences and must be cleaned up. But Hashem does not view us as bad. He doesn’t hate us or get angry with us, even if He must bring us pain because of what we did.
Hashem wishes He didn’t have to administer suffering. It pains Him to do it, and He feels our pain. But He does it anyway because He knows that we need it and that it is best for us. One day we will see the complete picture, agree with everything He has done, and even thank Him for it. Though it is so hard for us to appreciate now, when we move on Upstairs, we will see all the answers and they will be emotionally satisfying. We won’t wish Hashem acted differently even once. We will appreciate that every aspect and outcome of everything Hashem did to us was good.