Hello to all, just wanted to share the news that I've decided to aim for a life of pleasure. The question is, how to achieve that, by giving into lust and inappropriate sexual desire? I know from experience, that after experiencing some brief pleasure, I am totally miserable and it takes days just to BEGIN recovering. So it seems clear, that whatever it means to live a life of pleasure will require me to stay clean and sober, one day at a time. The truth is, I don't think a life of pleasure is really the goal. A life of happiness - of "Simcha shel Mitzvah" - is really the way to go.
Thank you Kedusha for this inspiring post; you hit the nail on the head! It is not "pleasure" that we really seek, it is "Happiness" that we all want. When we confuse the two, we have difficulty breaking free of our addictions. But when we internalize that true inner happiness is really the greatest pleasure that a human can achieve, we aim for a whole different life-style!
I would like to share with everyone an inspiring Shiur by Rav Noach Weinburg called "The Five Levels of Pleasure" where he beautifully defines what pleasure is really all about, and he helps us decide on our own what type of pleasures we really want out of our lives. (Download the Shiur in MP3 format by right-clicking on the link and choosing "Save Target/Link As")
Rabbi Avraham Twersky, a renowned psychiatrist who has written over 50 books dealing with human psychology, tackles happiness verses depression in his new book, "Happiness and Human Spirit: What Happiness is All About, and Why it is Important for You."
Rabbi Twerski was interviewed by Arutz 7's Tovia Singer about his new book and the secret to true happiness. You can download the entire interview over here (Download the MP3 file by right-clicking on the link and choosing "Save Target/Link As").
Tovia Singer: How can a person find true happiness?
R. Avraham Twersky: A person cannot truly be happy unless he is complete. For example, if someone is lacking in iron, he will have iron deficiency and symptoms of illness. Now, a person is more than a body. There is something more that makes us human other than the fact that we walk on two legs.
The things that make us human are a number of unique traits that animals do not have. We are the only living things that have the ability to be humble. We are the only living things that can make ethical and moral choices, even in defiance of our bodily drives. We have the ability to improve ourselves, to be compassionate, to have perspective for the future, to search for truth, and to have a goal in life. All of these make us into human beings.
If we do not use these traits, we are incomplete, and incomplete human beings cannot be happy. When we lack these character traits and have this chronic unhappiness, we desperately look for things that will make us feel better. One may find comfort in alcohol, the other seeks it in drugs, gambling, sex, food, pursuit of money, etc. We look for many things to get rid of chronic unhappiness, but our chronic unhappiness is due to our being deficient in key areas.
Now please note that even though I am a Rabbi, and even though I have taught religion, I am now functioning as a psychiatrist and I am talking about being spiritual. I don't ask a patient about his religion. That is a private thing. However, as a physician, I want to make sure they have all the necessary nutrients for their bodies that makes them human beings, which I refer to as a spirit. The spirit is not a religious concept. That's why I say that happiness depends on developing the qualities of the human spirit.
Tovia Singer: You speak about self-esteem. That is a very important message in all your work. What does that really mean? Let's say there are folks who are listening to the show right now who sometimes feel this sense of depression inside. They feel worthless. Is that the trapping of what brings people into a life without coping and happiness?
R. Avraham Twersky: I have gone on record as saying that if mental illnesses and emotional problems which are due to chemical imbalances are excluded, all the rest can be traced to the fact that people lack self-esteem. A person should have a true self-awareness.
What is unfortunate is that most people underestimate themselves. They have negative feelings about themselves. I wrote so much about this because for 38 years of my life, I suffered because I was not aware of myself. I lacked self-esteem, and I did not give myself the credit I was due. (Listen to Rabbi Twerski talk about his own struggle with self-esteem in THIS GREAT SPEECH).
I pointed out in my books that having self-esteem does not mean being vain. In fact, I quote Rabbeinu Yonah, one of the great ethicists of 1000 years ago. He says that vanity is simply a desperate defense by a person who feels worthless, to give himself some kind of good feeling.
I believe that we should come to a true self-awareness. As I have said, a person without a purpose can't have too much self-esteem because of the things that we value. We value things either because of their function or because of their aesthetic value. Not many people have an aesthetic value. We're not all that good looking. Our selfish being has to be based on our function. What is our function? If our function is merely to go through a day's work, kick off our shoes, and sit in front of the TV with a couple of bottles of beer, that is not any kind of edifying function. We can't get self-esteem from that.
Self-esteem means developing a purpose in life, living our life to the fullest and not like an animal. Animals are not motivated by anything other than self-gratification. Animals, other than pet dogs, do not know how to get out of their skin. What makes us human beings - and this is why our forefather Abraham emphasized chesed [kindness] so much - is that to be a true human being, one has to be able to do chesed to get out of himself. He needs to do kind things for other people. A person can be a mentsh - a spiritual being - but not with animal traits.
If people will begin looking for a purpose in life, they may not find it in a day or a week, but they will eventually find a real purpose over and above seeking pleasure. Pleasure is fine, and I don't deny anybody the pleasures of life, but I don't think that we were created simply to have pleasure. We were created to find our purpose.
And by finding and LIVING in our purpose, we are able to achieve TRUE Happiness.
To view a transcript of the entire interview, see this page.
'Happiness and Human Spirit' is available for purchase on Amazon.com.