Dearly beloved,
My emotions are runnin' wild.
These past few weeks got me all riled.
At times it's lust and at times despair
Always in conjunction with a bitin', gnawin' fear.
I don't want 'em, I don't need 'em
Take 'em from me, grant me freedom.
Your Grace has brought me to this juncture
I don't want that hissin' sound, don't want a puncture.
These conversations with wife are full of hurt and shame,
No excuse to be found - that would be lame.
She is left to toss and turn the whole night thru
And wonder about the monster, to whom she replied, "I do."
"How can I cuddle, wonderin' who he was with,
What was his fantasy, Mona, Isabelle or Meredith?
How does he like 'em, where do I rate?
Would this have ever happened if I'd have lost that weight?
I'll take that dip tonight, for some holdin' might be good for me,
But pitch black it'll be, so his cheatin' face I can't see.
Then I can imagine of what might have been
If only he was able to keep it in."
I'll show this to my shrink when I meet her at noon
Who knows what she'll say, can there be another honeymoon?
Is there what to look forward to, will these chills in my shoulders and
fidgety fingers be there to last?
Or somehow, someway, this can be put in the past?
I have nobody to blame but this messed up guy
Leading a life of deceit and full of lies
And that's where it rests, it's all up to me
To continue this life of recovery.
I can't lie any more, yet can't say what's true
It's a real tough spot to be, as these insides do stew
So God, accept this prayer, for You are the One
and don't worry, I'll be back, I ain't close to done.
What You'll answer, I don't know, it is beyond my grade of pay,
But it makes no difference, for I know You're here to stay.
And truthfully, I'll end with this simplicity
When I am with You, there is no place I'd rather be.