The moment a person decides in his mind that no matter how much it hurts or how bitter it is - he will do it anyway, no matter what; the moment he is willing to suffer whatever pain it takes to succeed even if it feels like he is dying, an amazing thing happens: The struggle ceases to be difficult and it actually becomes EASY and SWEET!
This is one of the most profound secrets in Avodas Hashem and it applies to any spiritual feat, including Torah learning. As the Pasuk says: "Zos Hatorah Adam Ki Yamus Ba'Ohel - This is the Torah of a man who dies in the tent". Our Sages learn out from this that the Torah can only be acquired properly through someone who 'kills himself' over it. As soon as a person accepts upon himself the yoke of Torah to the point where he is ready and willing to suffer for it to the point of death; "ZOS HATORAH - THAT is the Torah", and then he merits to feel the true sweetness of Torah that by far exceeds any physical pleasure.
But whether it's Torah learning or conquering the Yetzer Hara, in order to achieve true freedom and joy in the divine service therein, we have to be willing to even feel a taste of death and still not give in. Once we achieve that, Hashem does an amazing thing and suddenly the struggle becomes easy and the person feels true joy!
With Torah however, it is understandably harder to achieve this high level because it requires doing; i.e. lots and lots of learning, getting up before dawn, going to sleep late, eating little and toiling day and night in Torah. This is indeed very hard and requires a huge leap of faith before it starts to feel truly sweet (see the Sefer Shomer Emunim).
But when it comes to our struggle with this addiction, it is much easier to implement this secret. We don't have to do ANYTHING. It's all in our minds. We just have to STOP doing the bad things and accept upon ourselves that even if we feel like we are going to DIE if we don't give in, even if we feel such a deep void that everything we do feels like 'dirt', still, we accept the challenge of the pain and will not give in no matter what, then - and ONLY then, do we merit to feel the true sweetness and freedom from the Menuval once and for all!!
This is truly an amazing secret. Most people don't know this until they've achieved it. But now that we know it, it is much easier for us all to take that initial leap of faith!
This post really touched me. I will b'n print it out and read it before I think that I am about to H'Y give in.
This is so true. It feels so great to be able to say that I BEAT this. I haven't come close to falling since I hit 90 (and even before that) because the desire just about fades away. It's unbelievable. Obviously I'm not letting down my guard, and I'm going to install a filter on my computer at home when I go for Pesach.