Over the past 6-7 years, my avoda got a boost from my finally going deeper into sfas emes, bnei yisoschar, and divrei chayim. This occurred around the same time that I had a little trouble with lust and finally started to work the steps into my daily life more seriously. Gemorah and TU"R have become more of a success over the past three years since I joined a Dirshu morning program (initially with an SA chavrusa!). I B"H gravitated toward kisvei Ariza"l with a chevra learning them in my neighborhood, and I began finding deeper meaning in my davening. This is in consonance with the 12-Step program concepts as well, Boruch Hashem. This was bolstered with Shaarei Ramchal for already 3 years now; and my chavrusa and I should be moving to Kla"ch soon, Be"H.
I was moved to start wearing Rabeinu TamTefillin about a year ago, and I find going to the Mikvah a great experience. I ask a Tzadik in my neighborhood for advice regularly and surrounded myself with experts on chumash, mussar and kaballah as much as possible. For the past two years I have been going through much of the Shelo Hakodosh on the parsha and sharing ideas from him with friends and family when I can. My physical relationship with my wife, as well as my relationship with all people, has been growing in ways that I see described in the seforim, thank G-d, and it is exhilarating. I am mostly able to be motivated by being useful to others, rather than by getting/taking. Enough said there.
My experience has been, that either I grow and change, broadening and deepening in avodah, or there is no point to it all. I perceive a force more powerful than I can understand, drawing me closer to Hashem. Still, I feel at peace most of the time. Because of being awakened by the steps, I want above all else to live with and be useful to people, more than ever before, yet be alone with Hashem all the time. My formerly very "self-centered" avodah never allowed me to do that, even though I was convinced I was a "kadosh". In fact, before the steps, the idea that I was intrinsically a "kodosh" was a tremendous ball and chain for me. It made failure so much more disappointing.
And please consider not assuming that "if only someone would have explained to me what it really all means, I'd have been "OK". That is not my experience. For most sexaholics and alcoholics I know, the holier they think they are, the worse and more depressed or pompous they get. I know what you really mean (which is that a Jew should see his intrinsic holiness as a great honor / responsibility), I just believe you can TELL addicts about it (or even convince them that they SHOULD believe it), but you cannot CONVINCE them that it is REALLY TRUE. This is a concept non-addicts do not ever seem to grasp.
Finally, I have been able, for the most part, to avoid looking at "normal" yidden who do not seem to need the depth and intensity of a relationship with Hashem as unfortunate. I also avoid shoving my perceived awareness in their face by asking them, for example, why they say brachos in a rush, as opposed to they way we'd say "thank-you" to anyone real. You know, stuff like that...
I have seen others give this "mussar" as though it was their own. It is not pretty, and it's unhealthy for me to pretend I deserve any awareness I got through my addiction/recovery. They were all free gifts and will stay that way. And I assume I'll lose them (along with my sobriety) if I forget that and start acting as if they are truly mine.
So I ask you, what more should I expect from myself, a sexaholic? I am sure we can all do better - me most of all - folks. But do you really still think I need to be cried for, and that the fact that I look up to a Roman Catholic man for sharing his sanity with me is hindering me?
Finally, I do not accept that my addiction to lust should be described in terms of "aveiros" and the "Yetzer Hara" as you describe it. I choose to just live right today, and I rely on Hashem to make the Tikunim. Yes, it is clear that recovery has lead me on what - in retrospect - the sforim describe as Teshuvah. But I choose not to "understand" the process that much, and leave it to Hashem.