One of the most inspirational members of our Forum is a guy named Dov (see his story here). He is sober in SA for 11 years and continues to join SA meetings until today. He often posts how the 12-Steps help him remain sober and live with Hashem day by day, but he never really gave us a glimpse into his personal Avoda - and he probably never would have - if not for a recent post on the forum.
One of the well meaning Tzadikim on our forum, who himself recovered without the 12-Steps, by using a lot of hard work and a deep understanding of the proper attitude in this struggle, posted the following about Dov:
I cry for a holy neshama that for 11 years feels like he still needs his Roman Catholic sponsor to help him be human. After whatever time it takes to break the cycle, it's time to GROW!
Dov believes in SA philosophy, which says that he needs to continuously concentrate on preserving his humanity. For preserving humanity, a Roman Catholic sponsor is indeed appropriate. But a Jew should be able to move beyond "preserving his humanity"!
All the sins are caused by the Yetzer Hara who has become "baal-habayis", but once we evict him, we can begin to soar. The very best way - according to the Torah - to effect the sinner positively, is to get him to understand that he is holy!
What I am about to share with you is not tooting my horn at all, with Hashem's help. It is to let people who may not understand, become aware of what it is like for this sexaholic yid to have a Roman Catholic sponsor and still be going to meetings and using the steps, while in the twelfth year of Hashem's gift to me of recovery from all-consuming addiction to lust.
Before and during the years I was acting out, I was exposed to yiddishkeit (a product of Modern Orthodox day school, Yeshiva high, etc) and I was always a bit attracted to frum people, feeling that there was an answer there, to something...
I cried at NCSY sing-alongs and felt a strong "deveikus-like" thing in me; went to Yeshiva in Eretz Yisroel after high, and stopped masturbating for two years, except for one or two times during the summer while at home in the U.S. When I got married it got much worse, as I described a bit in my first post. Look at it if you want to get to know me any better... I'd be glad to describe the details of my behaviors in addiction privately if you'd like, but this is not the best venue for the gory details.
Anyhow, after starting SA in 1997 - and I'll fast forward to the past five years, as my avodah began to warm up. I was still going to meetings and using the steps I had worked, in my daily life. My sponsor shared how he worked them with me. He is now more of a friend than a "sponsor" (as his sponsor now is to him). I have many program friends, sponsees, etc, and I get and make recovery calls many times throughout the day. I do not see any advantage in pretending that I "got back on some kind of track" and that now I am OK, because I have experienced that my "allergy" to lust has not gone away. But I am free of lust almost all the time B"H, and my focus is on living with Hashem, as I'll elaborate on in a bit. I go to one meeting a week.