Sick Man Getting Well is sober for 8 months in SA
In recovery, the goal is "Happy, Joyous and Free". Recently, while driving back from a recovery meeting, I had the good fortune of driving by an "acting out" location. As I drove past it, I noticed a frum guy leaving from there and driving away. (See how I still look in?). The overwhelming feeling for me was FREEDOM and GRATITUDE.
I heard R' Twerski repeat that addicts in recovery can actually sit by the Pesach Seder and feel the way the Jews felt when they went from slavery to freedom. I was free, no longer a slave to pull in to the 'acting out' place. No longer a slave to my disease. God has granted me this gift just for today.
This is what you are striving towards. With the right help and the ability to completely and totally realize that we are not in control but there is a Higher Power who can help us, you can be free one day. It takes time, but as we say "time takes time". Keep on going, you are on the right path. (Q: Do you have a sponsor? Do you work a 12 step program?)