Today is day 30 ... I have been working the SA program and been going to meetings even on chol ha'moed.
The bottom line for me is that even though I have done 30 days before (albeit rarely), I have not been struggling the same way I have in the past. I have learned by working the 12-Steps that when I do have urges, I promptly admit powerlessness, acknowledge that Hashem is the only One that can and will help me and ask Hashem to remove the lust from me. I am frankly surprised by how much better this works than fighting the urges head on.
The phone calls and the meetings have also been a tremendous source of support and encouragement for me.
For those of you that find that you keep slipping despite the monumental and genuine efforts you have been making, know that there is hope.
Although there are those that have done it alone, most of us need some form of external support and encouragement.
When you step into an SA meeting for the first time, you will be surprised at the amount of support, encouragement and understanding that you will be greeted with. Your anonymity will be protected and you will get better if you really work the program.
I am beginning to learn that we don't have a p-rnography problem, we have a p-rnography solution. Our problem is a life problem and we must seek ways change ourselves from the bottom up if we ever hope to rid ourselves of this terrible addiction once and for all.
But all you need to do is take the first step and... "Hashem yilachem lachem v'atem tacharishun - Hashem will fight for you, and you shall be silent".