I walked by a guy the other day and he had a look of disgust on his face. First I was mad - thinking, "Who does he think he is?" Then I got outraged - thinking, "Doesn't he know who I am?"
I joke with my kids saying, "Do you have any idea how important I am in my head? After all, I might not be much, but I am all that I think about.
It's when I take another's actions personally that I am concluding that he is wronging me, and that the target of his disrespect is me. That's False Evidence Appearing Real - FEAR!! Probably his thoughts at the time of the crime have nothing whatsoever to do with me. Nevertheless, because of my fear of not being enough, I see his facial expression as showing his contempt towards me. After all, my "stinkin' thinkin'" says that I am contemptible. My fear manifests itself through anger and outrage. I go into attack mode, usually internally, because "It's a inside job!"
There is a way out of this painful way of walking through life - always reacting personally. Let's go back to the scene of the assault and reenact it differently. So here comes "sour pus" heading my way. The Torah tells us that "It's a mitzvah to pray for our every need." My need at this moment is to put myself, and my character defect of self centeredness, in its proper place. Therefore, my prayer goes up saying, "Bless him! Change me." I consider his possible need over my faulty fear. Each time I offer up this prayer, I not only don't take it personally, I am freed from the grip of the insane message that I am a victim of a crime against Benyamin. G-d answers my request because I got out of the way even if it's only a moment of humility.
So, the next time I am attacked by my own fear, I can take it to G-d instead of taking it personally -- by asking for the others to be blessed, I am being changed.